Howling in the Shadows

Clearing the Dust

2012-01-03T18:19:00.002+08:00

It's been god-knows-how-long since I've update this blog... (well actually i can just refer to my last post date but i'm too lazy to do so... hehe)

The past few years have been good to me. I'm just about done with my 1st year of my Master's degree in Clinical Psychology...

Well.. life in townsville has been interesting. My first experience of living together with my partner, without most of our relatives or friends to help us; completing a thesis paper; seeing clients; managing bills and the house, etc

Well, not to detract from the original intentions of this post... i just wanted to say that i miss those days where I would compose those poems/stanzas/emo-emo phrases (whatever those are called~). Till this day, i actually do like what I have written. All the darkness that was inside of me. During those days, it was the only form of release of all the negativeness inside of me. Somehow i managed to turn it into my creativity... which sadly has left me now as I've found the more positive aspects of my life. It's just sort of bittersweet in that sense.

Oh well... just wanted to give this blog a little shaking -off the dust- hahaha.... and just wanted to say Happy New Year, and may this be once again an interesting and wonderful year. :)

A new journey in life

2010-03-06T10:28:00.002+08:00

Hehe. 1 year later and here i am. :)

Life's been really good in the past year.

And now here i am... in Townsville, Australia.

Doing my Bachelor's of Psych Honours...

Totally new life, friends, etc etc.

Now i'm trying to get my ethics application approval for my thesis project.. feeling slightly stressed out because it's so rushed now, with all the modules.

But. i'm really enjoying it. Loving it :)

and lastly, i love you too my darling~

2009-01-16T01:23:00.001+08:00

heh it's been ages... really ages since i last posted on my blog...

been somewhat too lazy and un-motivated/un-inspired to write anything...

my creative juices have somewhat stopped flowing as well...

exams start in 2 days time on a saturday... going to be busy busy...

hmm.... perhaps only when i feel like it... then i'll start coming back to post more...

but overall... yea... life's been really great. everything's just going so right in my life right now... :)

Key to my Heart

2008-11-13T00:36:00.002+08:00

Forever and ever darling, you'll always have the key to my heart...

and you know what the key is :) :) :)

My heart will belong to you and only you...

I Love You

Thought of the day

2008-10-16T02:53:00.002+08:00

Hmmm it's really been a long time since i last blogged...

but i just had to write this down suddenly.

now as i'm watching my new craving of the season , Dexter , one of the lines in the show just struck me.

As one person mentions that she's feeling regretful about something and that she wants to apologise for her mistake... her conversation partner shoots back with this sentence...

"Who is that gonna make feel better? You or her ? "

Indeed... sorry doesn't help or do anything. it really is just mainly aimed to make us feel better by hoping that sorry solves everything...

well i guess the best way to avoid this situation... is to make sure that there won't be a need to say sorry in the first place.

shall be back to write more about it after i finish watching though...

x japan concerts..

2008-10-01T23:11:00.000+08:00

Nov 22 2008 12:00A
Palais Omnisports Paris Bercy Paris
Jan 17 2009 12:00A
ASIA WORLD EXPO , Hong Kong Hong Kong
Jan 31 2009 12:00A
Supachalasai　Stadium Thai
Feb 14 2009 12:00A
Taipei World Trade Center Taiwan
Mar 21 2009 12:00A
Gymnastics Stadium of the Olympic Park Korea

urgh... i so wanna go...

2008-10-01T00:02:00.000+08:00

suddenly... i'm craving for...

sushi... sashimi...

and ipoh hor fun...

2008-09-24T15:50:00.004+08:00

been having lots of stuff recently...

outings, exams coming soon... etc etc etc

haha... haven't had much time to update this blog.

bleahz. sometimes feel like writing but too lazy to write also >.<

haha.

shall be back after my exams... exams next week >.<"

2008-09-11T16:51:00.003+08:00

finally... the 2nd last report is done... urgh... just a bit more and this semester's reports/presentations will be done with...

and then the exams once again -_-"

this sem just seem to fly so fast. too fast.

maybe it's cause time flies whenever i'm with you...

hahaha.

it's tiring. but happy. really happy :)

Princess of my Castle

2008-09-10T00:12:00.004+08:00

it was all for you...

it just hit me so hard last night.

how badly i wanted and needed you.

the letter and the cake.

i just feel that it isn't enough to express how much i feel for you.

it's really all about you darling.

and i'll keep working, and improving...

cause i want you to be the Princess of my Castle :):)

I Love You.

I'm ready darling. I'll go through the roller-coaster called life together with you :)

2008-09-08T14:11:00.003+08:00

why do some people just like to make it seem that they're the victim of circumstances, and in the next moment...they're totally in control of their life... when they are not...switching between the 2 on the fly.

bleahz... all i can say is "wake up your bloody idea"

ahh... tired... from all the reports and the likes recently. falling sick. maybe i'm already sick.

can't be bothered to write further

The 1st chapter

2008-09-03T19:29:00.004+08:00

ah... been a long time since i last blogged about my daily activities...

and everyday's been so blissful for me now :)

hahahaha... had a nice birthday....

AN UNFORGETTABLE ONE ALL THANKS TO YOU !!!!

haha... those gifts i received.... i'll never forget them... totally redefined the term "gift" ....

then a very very nice weekend...

especially sunday and monday... really enjoyed those 2 days... hahaha it was really really nice....

now's just the 1st chapter... lets go on writing the book together... until the very end :)

Dedicated to you

2008-08-28T00:18:00.005+08:00

I never thought that i could feel this way.

Your eyes, voice and smile just captivate me.

I see the universe within your beautiful eyes.

I hear a trembling heart within your voice.

I feel the warmth,love and tenderness from your smile...

You've brought so much joy into my life.

Sometimes, no amount of words can express how much i love you... or miss you...

Whenever i'm with you, it just feels right.

And that everything's going to be just fine.

I just want to forever embrace this Happiness of mine.

For every up, there may be a down.

For every good, there may be a bad.

But through it all,

We'll make it together.

Our hearts will always be tied together...

Chained by that invisible thread called Love.

I Love You.

P.S.: 4 Promises 4Ever. I'm non-refundable, non-exchangable, & stuck with you for life ~

2008-08-26T20:50:00.002+08:00

are you addicted?

hahahahah!!!!

2008-08-24T03:13:00.001+08:00

eternally yours.

Built to Last - Melee

2008-08-20T01:44:00.000+08:00

"Built To Last"

I've looked for love in stranger places,
but never found someone like you.
Someone whose smile makes me feel I've been holding back,
and now there's nothing I can't do.

'Cause this is real, and this is good.
It warms the inside just like it should,
but most of all it's built to last.

All of our friends saw from the start.
So why didn't we believe it too?
Whoa yeah, now look where we are.
You're in my heart now.
And there's no escaping it for you.

'Cause this is real, and this is good.
It warms the inside just like it should,
but most of all it's built to last.

Walking on the hills that night with those fireworks and candlelight
You and I were made to get love right

'Cause this is real, and this is good.
It warms the inside just like it should,
but most of all it's built to last.

'Cause you are the sun in my universe,
considered the best when we've felt the worst
and most of all it's built to last.

2008-08-19T02:55:00.002+08:00

with every minute... every second... every action... every word....

i'm falling even more in love with you...

2008-08-16T00:36:00.003+08:00

haha..... just watched finish the nadal - djokovic match... breathtaking match... so many fantastic rallies... ended with nadal winning... hahaha...

ah haha... now it's going to be the one week break... but it's gonna be time to rush projects and presentation again...

ahhh.... gonna be super busy...

but no matter what...

u'll always be on my mind :D

Promise

2008-08-13T23:49:00.001+08:00

130808.

promise.

Eyes On Me - Faye Wong ( Final Fantasy 8 )

2008-08-12T23:23:00.002+08:00

Whenever sang my songs
On the stage, on my own
Whenever said my words
Wishing they would be heard
I saw you smiling at me
Was it real or just my fantasy
You'd always be there in the corner
Of this tiny little bar

My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you?
Maybe yes, maybe no
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me

Oh, did you ever know?
That I had mine on you

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

So let me come to you
Close as I wanted to be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper

How I loved your peaceful eyes on me
did you ever know
That I had mine on you

Darling, so share with me
Your love if you have enough
Your tears if your're holding back
Or pain if that's what it is
How can I let you know
I'm more than the dress and the voice
Just reach me out then
You will know that you're not dreaming

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

2008-08-10T23:20:00.003+08:00

i dun feel so tired anymore...

every step i take... there's an extra bounce to it...

i find energy where i'ld normally feel tired...

ah.... :D :D :D

and yea ... it's been a tiring day today though... slept last night only around 4+ , 5+ ? because of dota with trav and co. ahahaha...then wake up for hockey ( though it was only after kev called me up at 10am when we're supposed to meet at NUS at 9.30... ) ahahaha... then went to IMM for lunch with kevin and debbie... weide's house for MJ after that... then dinner at parkway parade with parents

ahhh... shagged. but i dun feel like there's something heavy on my shoulders anymore...dun feel that there's any more chains that are tied to my feet...

ah... all thanks to ... hahaha...

dota anybody ? :P :P :P

2008-08-08T01:36:00.002+08:00

waaahhh finally... presentations over... 3 weeks before another mass report/presentation weeks again....

but really ... it's been sorta an ... interesting 2 weeks... quite a lot of nice stuff going on also...realise how blessed i am to have so many nice people beside me :D

2008-08-07T01:32:00.002+08:00

been so busy recently. haven't been updating much...

presentations presentations, and reports...

and some other stuff to think about.

at least, after tomorrow i can take a breather...

and settle some stuff....

2008-08-03T01:37:00.000+08:00

haha lalalalala

:D :D :D :D :D

2008-08-02T00:18:00.001+08:00

hah...

i'll continue floating.

on this never-ending journey...

all the endings in sight... are just mirages...

2008-07-31T23:26:00.002+08:00

wah i'm so dead / dieded/ death /deathed whatever

one asked me the other day.

now another asked me.

and they're both quite insistent about it...

is it really really that.... ???

decisions

2008-07-30T22:51:00.002+08:00

all along ... i just missed out ...

they just passed me by...

leaving nothing but regret.

this time though... even though i see it so clearly...

i'm just gonna turn my back.

2008-07-30T00:40:00.003+08:00

so tired. so tired.

actually i wanted to take a "time-out" tonight from life.

but sadly i just can't find the time to do so and just chill in this quiet place.

there'll always be another time.

but the question remains stuck in my head over and over.

"Go or stay" ?

2008-07-29T00:29:00.003+08:00

haha... ended the holidays on a sleepy note.

started school with a bang !

hahaha... all thanks to the mj on saturday night + hockey + project / outing combination over the weekend... when i got back home on sunday at around 7:45 pm ... i concussed all the way till the next morning... hahaha...

started school at the new campus... still having ongoing constructions... no cafe... no water cooler... the place is relatively erm... dirty with mud stains on the ground due to the construction...

but yea... it's going to turn out real nice once it's all done :D hopefully got water coolers and shower facilities... and perhaps more as time goes on... hahahaha....

oh man i'm so shagged out still... haven't shaken off the effects of the weekend madness...

and HAH ! IQ test in class.... all i can say is..

"It's all elementary, my dear Watson " ( erm.. sherlock holmes and watson izzit ? )

hahahaha

ok i'm too shagged out to type anymore. sleeping relatively earlier tonight.

sleep beckons.

2008-07-26T03:58:00.002+08:00

we shall see.

we shall see...

2008-07-25T02:54:00.001+08:00

erm... haha another nice day :D

surprising things happened ! LOL

thanks for everything :D

somehow i smell a storm coming... ahahahaha

2008-07-23T23:58:00.001+08:00

2 of the best days so far in recent times :D

project, then outing, then mj, then back home, then jap lunch, then sleep ~

2008-07-20T02:51:00.003+08:00

wahahaha tonight was just wtf.

all dota matches. lost all. suckumteh~ suckumteh~

never mind ! tomorrow will be a better day :D wahahahaha

but today really got pwned by ES a few times... zzzz

shall make my come back soon~

and my hand's itchy for some... MJ...

2008-07-18T23:50:00.001+08:00

sigh.

Crumbling Faith. Unyielding Doubt. Vanishing Vision

2008-07-18T01:26:00.005+08:00

damn it !

5 days already and my hands still have no power in them... zzzz... cant even tear / open the plastic off my comics....

and my left arm's shaking quite a lot whenever holding anything... even something as light as a comic book... -_-"

oh well. this means back to soccer then. hahaha !

and oh... goodbye bukit merah. hello thomson... soon !

somehow... inspired to write something due to my melancholic mood + the song i'm listening to now...

The piano broke its silence.

Distorted, the broken melody filled the air.

His eyes lost their glitter,

as his trembling fingers touched the keys named "Sorrow".

Praying for a miracle,

Playing for tomorrow,

The never ending Yesterdays echo behind.

Crumbling Faith,

Unyielding Doubt,

Vanishing Vision...

He would never see it ever again...

not within his embracing arms.

2008-07-15T18:52:00.004+08:00

Tears of the sunshine faded away

Swept away by the hollow darkness of the night.

Black and white images flashed upon the silver screen.

Giving it's last shout as the reel steadily burnt away.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Crushed beneath the sands of time.

Blown away by the ravages of the wind.

Drowned by the jubilance of the new day.

Forgotten by the beatless heart.

Alone he was not.

And so, he held her hand.

:D

2008-07-13T20:58:00.003+08:00

haha... was really looking forward to today... finally meeting up with my hockey mates from JC to play hockey at NUS...which had been "arranged" since i think... last weekend? ahaha....

as for the past 2 days...

and so saturday afternoon... a message pops up from MSN

" DOTA ! *nudge* "
haha... and so played dota for a few hours, then somehow arranged to go for dinner and then stayover at ben's house tonight... then with a few gd fly kites, there was only me, fer and ben at er.. his house... ahaha...played dota at first... until we managed to "psycho" willy into coming down... cause he wanted to play MJ... ended up making me come out of "retirement"

ahahaha... and so mj until 4-5am... won about 20... donated half to charity... cause i was thinking sometime before... if i ever play mahjong again... half the money would go to charity... hahaha... no idea why i thought of that.

then woke up early.. around 845am... called the rest up... made my way down to NUS bball courts area... in the end... there was only yu han , debbie, me and jin feng... hahaha... 4 ppl. mmm... but i was glad to see them la ~ so long never meet up with them leh... especially jin feng.

ahhh... went for lunch with my family... and found out my hands couldnt hold chopsticks properly.. had trouble controlling my fingers... cause of whacking balls using the hockey stick... hahaha..

just glad ... and tired... really really miss the days when i used to play hockey. back then it was really a huge part of my life. hopefully now can play more often or something... jsut need to get more people and more "regular/consistency" ahaha.

yawn.

the narcoleptic in me is calling again.

zzzzzz

2008-07-12T03:03:00.002+08:00

hm... actually was in the mood of doing some writings up here... but then seems like my creative juices have just ran out... haha...

2008-07-12T00:35:00.000+08:00

break the rules to get the job done.

just make sure you don't get caught.

2008-07-10T02:24:00.000+08:00

:)

i'm feeling happy right now.

no idea why also.

LOL

张栋梁-北极星的眼泪

2008-07-10T02:20:00.001+08:00

张栋梁-北极星的眼泪

消失人海里面
我的眼终于失去
你的脸
再等一会
奢望流星会出现
愿
如果真的实现
爱能不能永远
明天
或许来不及变
但曾经走过的昨天
越来越远
北极星的眼泪
说不出的想念
原来我们活在
两个世界
北极星的眼泪
你哭红的双眼
被淋湿的诺言
淹没在心里面
我抬头看着
爱不见再等一会
奢望流星会出现
愿
如果真的实现
爱能不能永远
明天
或许来不及变
但曾经走过的昨天
越来越远
北极星的眼泪
说不出的想念
原来我们活在
两个世界
北极星的眼泪
你哭红的双眼
被淋湿的诺言
淹没在心里面
我抬头看着
爱不见当对的人
等不到对的时间
就在放放开手的瞬间
爱撕成两边
北极星的眼泪
说不出的想念
原来我们活在两个世界
北极星的眼泪
你哭红的双眼
被淋湿的诺言
淹没在心里面
我抬头看着爱
不见
整个宇宙都
流眼泪

tumbling away

2008-07-09T00:52:00.004+08:00

k... back to normal life *cough cough*

somehow it seems like my body's failing on me recently. my lethargy has reached new heights... normally i sleep in class it's ok...but then when i go home and sleep for a few hours after school also... there's something wrong here.

just tired all the time. especially today. my eyes felt extremely tired and painful also today...

er i know some people might say it's because i sleep late... but when i'm used to sleeping around 3-4am... i've been sleeping earlier these days... say 1+, 2+... and still i feel worse.

and not to mention that recently i just suffered backache , sore throat ... and also still having a bad stomach.

bleahz.

hopefully somehow it'll all be better soon... just need something to regenerate myself...

my mood's been affected by it all also. been somewhat more grouchy recently.

bleahz.

Dedicated to Man Chun Ye Ye ~

2008-07-09T00:45:00.002+08:00

ey haha er...firstly

Happy Belated Birthday to Martin Li Man Chun Ye Ye

wahahahahaha

and er... see you in 1 week's time! mai tu liao ! go go chiong ar ! QB. Martell. Max Tune ! (can afford to play a bit at the start of each month)

and where's the DOTA ????

hahaha.

Man chun yeye ! i miss you ! gay partner !!! ( :P hope ky dun see this LOL )

and i still remember the time in clementi... walao take away my first time ! LOL

haha... anyway... yea... take care over there k ? wish you all the best !

er... study hard, play hard, DRINK hard !

:P

2008-07-08T00:08:00.004+08:00

whew. what a day. ahahahahaha

morning went to NUH... went to do a checkup for my heart... so far everything still seems ... fine... though there were funny implications the last time round...

so yea. that means. time for more sports once again!

went to school... found out that the results had been released for last semester... got 2 Ds and 1C ... forensic's still pending..cause of the stupid screwed up final exam which 95% of the cohort failed...

P.S.: D = distinction , C = credit.... not the usual A,B,C,D people use !

so overall results not bad la. considered good for someone who sleeps all day long in classes... oh ahaha that reminds me... something funny happened. i happened to meet one of my tutors from last semester at macdonalds. he recognised my frens... but couldnt recognise me. until i bent my head down and he saw the top of my head... and he went " OHHHH you're the one who's always sleeping in class... "

-_-||

and oh... watched "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind" today for the group project thingy... set off a few triggers in me... but other than that i was totally fine... not bad... but got slightly draggy.

and then had an early dinner... and night class which i slept in again...

ahhh... crap i'm feeling hungry again now...

2008-07-05T13:23:00.002+08:00

hm... there is quite a large possibility that it may happen.

but hopefully it doesnt.

even so... i'm definitely not doing anything.

it'll always be a case of never never.

搁浅

2008-07-04T23:47:00.001+08:00

~搁浅~
歌:周杰伦
作词:宋健彰作曲:周杰伦
钢琴:周杰伦编曲:钟兴民

久未放晴的天空
依旧留着你的笑容
哭过却无法掩埋歉疚

风筝在阴天搁浅
想念还在等待救援
我拉着线复习你给的温柔

暴晒在一旁的寂寞
笑我给不起承诺
怎么会怎么会你竟原谅了我

我只能永远读着对白
读到我给你的伤害
我原谅不了我
就请你当作我已不在

我睁开双眼看着空白
忘记你对我的期待
读完了依赖
我很快就离开

久未放晴的天空
依旧留着你的笑容
哭过却无法掩埋歉疚

风筝在阴天搁浅
想念还在等待救援
我拉着线复习你给的温柔

暴晒在一旁的寂寞
笑我给不起承诺
怎么会怎么会你竟原谅了我

我只能永远读着对白
读到我给你的伤害
我原谅不了我
就请你当作我已不在

我睁开双眼看着空白
忘记你对我的期待
读完了依赖
我很快就...

我只能永远读着对白
读到我给你的伤害
我原谅不了我
就请你当作我已不在

我睁开双眼看着空白
忘记你对我的期待
读完了依赖
我很快就离开

2008-07-04T00:06:00.000+08:00

fuck off. u fucking cb.

2008-07-02T22:00:00.003+08:00

haven't blogged in quite a while. been too tired and busy to do so recently. and i'm also not feeling well now.

hm.... recent events.... mainly enjoyed the last week of holidays last week... attended cousin's wedding on saturday...sunday night went to martin's farewell dinner + drinking...

wah fuck drink until damn hiong that night... i also dunno what i doing already...

rushed home to watch euro 08... puked before doing so though.

woo hoo ! spain won ! the team i support ... wahahaha.

and so started school on monday... slept at 5am then wake up 7:30am due to a phone call ... damn shag sia when i go to school... then tio diarrhoea on the very same day...

then yesterday... had sch from morning till 5... then went to the airport to send martin off... see u soon !

today. woke up to a bad start. backache + diarrhoea + heavy head + sore throat.

bleahz.

busy busy. tired tired.

2008-06-27T23:40:00.003+08:00

passed by just now.

"stop & stare"

what a coincidence.

but i no longer recognise you.

nor did you recognise me.

2008-06-27T02:14:00.002+08:00

somehow. it seems like the very statements i try to defy... have been proved even further.

as much as i do not want to believe in those... but sadly... i'm just at the point where i've given up.

sometimes, even trying your best, can never be enough.

all it does is to make you fall even harder.

another night out

2008-06-26T12:58:00.003+08:00

Qb -> MOS -> back to QB

8pm-6.30am.

damn shag now. but still cant get to sleep. somehow keep waking up.

nothing much to say bah... except..

huh? me? join the karaoke competition ar? mmm....shall consider bah.

2008-06-24T23:54:00.004+08:00

spent yesterday clearing up my room... cleaning up the day... putting books away... and throwing away some... stuff...

the past few days has just been tinged with sadness.

it's always there.

always.

fated.

2008-06-24T23:47:00.004+08:00

hm... probably it's fate bah...

again.

same place.

different times?

or perhaps...

hockey. howl's moving castle. crazy taxi. daytona. sandman. bras brasah. pc show. sony ericsson. clementi.

i still remember it all.

oh, how we moved on without goodbyes...

2008-06-23T22:05:00.000+08:00

let me be alone for a while

2008-06-21T20:45:00.004+08:00

more dota ! more street soc ! more mahjong ! more euro 08 !

this is what the holidays is all about :D

but...1 week more to end of holidays :(

hahahaha... i'm mad liao.

tonight ben house. see you there. may the "qi dui zi" and "toilet" gods give me all the huatz luck tonight !

2008-06-20T22:00:00.005+08:00

really a week of madnessssssss....

ahahahahahaa. cant remember the exact details... last saturday ben ben house mj + soccer... monday lunch with mum and sleep, tuesday outing to pasir ris, wednesday and thursday was ben ben house stayover mj + watch soccer, today = go out with dad and mum.. sleep... and now i'm typing this post right before going to meet up with martin & co at QB... drink wakakakaka... tomorrow will probably be a day off to regen my energy... before soccer on sunday again... unless at night go someone's house stayover + watch soccer... spain vs italy if i'm not wrong... big match...maybe mj also...

lol long wall of text. and so the cycle repeats, go out, stay over, mahjong, watch soccer, play soccer, rinse and repeat

hahahaha.

and to miss S.H. and also my "gd buddies" : LOL ! it's definitely not possible for sparks to fly ... hahaha... er... but i dun discount the 0.001% probability of that happening

What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts

2008-06-20T07:26:00.001+08:00

What Hurts The Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

2008-06-18T21:00:00.004+08:00

......

......

......

living in a diamond crevasse.

where my heart shall remain eternally frozen.

2008-06-18T13:54:00.001+08:00

ok... saving money once again.

aim for end of the year : to get one dtxplorer kit. wahahahaha

the rare peek into what's going on...

2008-06-18T03:14:00.004+08:00

mmm... just doing whatever i can to keep myself occupied. especially for this holidays.

now i'm sorta at my limit... probably cause i'm both physically and mentally pushed to the edge already. guess i need some place to rant everything...

even up till now.

i still feel weak.

i still feel confused.

i still feel defeated...

and lastly... afraid.

it just all brings me down to my knees. literally.

the things and places that i see... with the evoking memories... still strike me so deeply.

it all just leaves me clutching my chest... my bleeding heart.

and also putting on this iron mask of mine... hiding those tears of mine.

pretend. pretend. pretend. all because i know that i'll only make others sad if i keep looking sad. i feel it's right to put on this mask. but it's tiring.

the bleeding has eased. but can it ever stop?

and lastly... well to some people whom i spoke to... it's actually not that i'm not interested... it's just that i'm afraid bah. i can see myself doing what i know i'm not supposed to do...i never want to see history repeat itself... even if i'm in a different role.

2008-06-16T22:09:00.001+08:00

damn. i just realise. i CANT FUGGING GO CLUBBING WITH MY FACE PEELING ....

ok. clubbing's out.

sorry >.<"

2008-06-16T22:04:00.002+08:00

ok basically. the story that i didnt finish. something that X said struck me. about what happened.

it just mirrored what happened.

yup that's it. probably doesnt make much sense... cause my brain ain't making sense to me also anyway. probably all fried on the inside already from yesterday.

2008-06-16T17:48:00.004+08:00

i'm am so fugging shagged. saturday night mahjong + sunday morning soccer. body aches + back ache. die die die. and tomorrow sentosa. almost couldnt move my body out of bed when i took a nap last night. also got quite bad sunburn.

so tired. but so many things to do. ahahaha...

and i also hate it when i'm so tired... tend to get somewhat more ... emotional i guess....

it was so hard for me to say those words back then... i'd found that very last bit of courage to stab down deep into my heart. but... that wasn't just the end.

was reading something back then on X's blog. back then during my army days. i was scolding and fuming. how Y didnt seem to treasure what he had. then i realised...

forget it. don't wanna write anymore.

quoted off from somwhere...

2008-06-16T12:45:00.002+08:00

Trust is a fragile thing. once earned, it affords us tremondous freedom. but once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover. of course, the truth is, we never know who we can trust. those we’re closest to can betray us & total strangers can come to our rescue. in the end, most people decide to trust themselves. it really is the simplest way to keep from getting burned
-Grey’s Anatomy

2008-06-14T14:45:00.004+08:00

yawwwwnnnn ~~~

just wake up. damn shag. damn damn shag.

and ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

so many things to do. SO MANY MANY MANY MANY THINGS TO DO...

so many things to do... and all happen at the same time sia...

i need to split myself into like... 5 parts so that i can do all at teh same time?

eg : go out with frds at night vs watch soccer (esp with spain) vs mahjong...

the 2 other extra parts would be just for chilling at home/ drinking or maybe just sleeping LOL.

not to mention there's dota, piano, drums ( should i take it up seriously? fred was suggesting i try... hm...), etc etc etc...

yaawwwwwnnnn.

so sleepy.

2008-06-13T02:26:00.004+08:00

and so here i am... 2 hours later.... and i've just chiong finish all the chapters of learning and behaviour... along with the "SUPPOSED TO COME OUT !QUESTIONS" that have been so called "spotted"....

damage? a 1.5L coke zero bottle ... SOLO. except for one mouthful from my sis. ahahahahaha...

Results ? Suddenly from no-confidence for the paper... to confidence that i can pass....+ .... A SUPER HUNGRY STOMACH ALL OF A SUDDEN WHEN I STOP DRINKING.... guess another by-product would be that i'm quite awake and high now....

wooooo... needa go cook noodles.

and hm... now that the coke zero's finished... time to move on to the 6 packs.... of coke that is...

"Coke-caine's one helluva drug" ( parody of the parody of rick james' famous quote ... hyuk hyuk hyuk... go check it out on youtube.. one helluva nonsense comedy... keywords = rick james, charlie murphy, dave chapelle ...)

ahhhh... anyway PC fair also coming up...should i go? dun really have much to buy... but just feel like going to see-see... hm...

2008-06-13T00:27:00.000+08:00

it's official. i need coke. to study. wahaha

beer fest ? nah ~ coke fest !

2008-06-12T18:44:00.005+08:00

ok tonight i'm gonna down at least about 6 cans of coke. maybe more.

need to mug for L&B ... which i'm totally clueless.

just zzzz @ the lecture notes. like a picture book only.

after tonight... after tomorrow morning...

CAN YOU SMELL~~~~~ FREEDOM !!!!

yet still i'm chained...

...why i've never taken the reverse bungee with anyone else...

...why bugis, city hall, and ... remain so endearing to me...

heh. life goes on.

2008-06-11T18:40:00.005+08:00

when a pillow comes crashing down on your head out of nowhere... you know that it is a sign...

haha ok i'm just rubbish-ing at the moment. just woke up not too long ago and my head's a bit groggy still... nap nap nap nap nap.

2 more days to end of exams.

weeeee.

after that, party hard ! play hard ! and look hard ! lol

anyway. seriously. a pillowed came crashing down on my head just yesterday. opened the cupboard to get my clothes. and i heard the familiar sliding sound of cloth from above... and "BOOM" a GODAMNIT HEAVY RUBBER LATEX PILLOW PLONKED ON THE TOP OF MY HEAD.

bleahz. just my luck

2008-06-11T14:41:00.002+08:00

euro 08... not bad... goals have been flowing... especially for the 2 main teams i support... Spain my first love ~ and Holland the mistress ~~ lol ~

hopefully euro 08 remains that exciting... hahaha~

and hm... between spain and holland? i support spain ! LOL

2008-06-10T02:11:00.001+08:00

holland vs italy.

indonesian tv signals. wakakaka. free euro 08. song

but i support SPAIN !! WAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

almost

2008-06-09T20:58:00.006+08:00

that news. just... re-ignited something inside me...

people always ask me "then why didn't you ...."

i'm always lost for words.

even till today the question still haunts me.

back then almost everybody knew.

everybody had eyes and could see what was going on.

probably even "X".

something that had already faded into the shadows. just re-appeared again.

2008-06-09T19:29:00.003+08:00

when i saw it. i couldnt believe my eyes.i was just stunned.

Definitely maybe.

Almost.

What if ?

2008-06-09T00:41:00.001+08:00

it's been months since i last watched anime. argh ! the temptation! hope to be able to watch next season... or the BIG season that's coming up in october... BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG season...

Angela Aki - This Love

2008-06-09T00:21:00.002+08:00

「愛があれば平和だ」と誰かが口にしていた
頷く人もいれば、疑う人もいる

“ai ga areba heiwada” to dareka ga kuchi ni shiteita
unazuku hito mo ireba, utagau hito mo iru

Someone used to say, “When there’s love, there’s peace”
There are those who agree, and those who disagree

苦しみがあるからこそ
あなたを抱きしめる時
その腕の優しさを平和と感じるのでしょう

kurushimi ga aru kara koso
anata wo dakishimeru toki
sono ude no yasashi sa wo heiwa to kanjiru no deshou

Whenever I’m in pain
You would hug me
It’s in those warm arms where I felt peace

ある時から無口になり心を締め切り
この恋が引き裂かれそうになった

aru toki kara mukuchi ni nari kokoro wo shimekiri
kono koi ga hikisakare sou ni natta

Since then I’ve become silent and closed off my heart
This love seems to have torn apart

重ねたこの手を
今度は離さない
信じる力が
愛を自由にする

kasaneta kono te wo
kondo wa hanasa nai
shinjiru chikara ga
ai wo jiyuu ni suru

This hand this time
Will not let go
Because the strength to belief
Will set love free

友情に救われたり、未来を想像したり
幸せは見えるけれど　自分を見る事はない

yuujou ni sukuwaretari, mirai wo souzou shitari
shiawase wa mieru keredo jibun wo miru koto wa nai

When you helped me as a friend, I can imagine our future
I see happiness in store but I failed to notice my own issues

約束と言う私達のコンパスだけでは
この恋は方角を見失うの

yakusoku to iu watashitachi no konpasu dakedewa
kono koi wa hougaku wo miushinau no

Though we said that the promise is to be our compass
We lose sight of the direction this love is heading

奇跡を待つより
この手をつなぎたい
信じる力が
私を自由にする

kiseki wo matsu yori
kono te wo tsunagitai
shinjiru chikara ga
watashi wo jiyuu ni suru

Instead of waiting for a miracle
I want you to hold my hand
Because the strength to belief
Will set love free

この恋を恐れずに
You don’t have to fear this love, this love

kono koi wo osorezu ni
you don’t have to fear this love, this love

You don’t have to fear this love
You don’t have to fear this love, this love

重ねたこの手を
今度は離さない
信じる力が
愛を自由にする

kasaneta kono te wo
kondo wa hanasa nai
shinjiru chikara ga
ai wo jiyuu ni suru

This hand this time
Will not let go
Because the strength to belief
Will set love free

奇跡を待つより
この手をつなぎたい
信じる力が
私を自由にする

kiseki wo matsu yori
kono te wo tsunagitai
shinjiru chikara ga
watashi wo jiyuu ni suru

Instead of waiting for a miracle
I want you to hold my hand
Because the strength to belief
Will set love free

2008-06-08T20:59:00.002+08:00

i need kbox soon. the bathroom is only a temporary replacement.

wahahahahahaha

2008-06-08T20:10:00.002+08:00

listening to the sad songs now. again.

how did i get into the mood? strangely enough... it was when i was in the car on the way back. suddenly thinking of songs that used the theme of "minutes" in them... came up with a list... from jay chou , to lee hyori ... to michael learns to rock... ahaha... and as most people should know ... the last song is 25 minutes... sad sad song ...

2 minutes to freeze these memories... ( jay chou )

4 minutes to save the world ( madonna + JT & T )

10 minutes too far ( Get up kids )

25 minutes too late... ( MLTR )

actually many other songs also use ** minutes in the lyrics... haha... but i guess i just name only a few...

And wah.. i really wanna "thank" *ahem no. 1* and *ahem no. 2* for sabotaging me the other day. now i've no idea if it's gonna cause a misunderstanding...hopefully not.

ok. just for their sake. i shall go thru the list.

Number 1 ( The usual suspect ): Not a chance.
Number 2 ( The one behind the scenes ): Also no chance.
Number 3 ( The sabotaged one ): Never !

Ahahahahaha. dun bother asking me "WHY NOT???" anymore. i'll just reply : "Who/what/when/why/how?"

lol ~

2008-06-06T01:56:00.003+08:00

they just slipped away.

like sand flowing thru the gaps of my fingers.

sitting there.

staring into blank space once again.

the attack never ends.

war-cries permeate the air.

and i stand up once again.

and look over the edge...

2008-06-06T01:01:00.003+08:00

trying to organise some of the posts with tags... especially the more significant ones... want to keep track of the verses, lyrics, feelings that i've experienced so far... especially more of the emo ones... ahahaha

*update*

ok just finished classifying more posts... feeling a bit more tired now. ahaha.

looking back at all the old posts... really brought back memories. now i'm in the zone once again. melancholic? not exactly... hm...

and it's funny. i noticed some people had put some comments. there was even one guy who mentioned that my blog was interesting and would put me on his blogroll... lol... feeling honoured but haha... think my blog's really just nothing much. just about my life and feelings...

kk. shall post more when i have the time. exam period now. probably gonna post less...

2008-06-06T00:37:00.003+08:00

been really lethargic recently. affects me in more ways than what most people would just experience...

and lol... last night really went havoc ... 11pm went to play drums at jurong superbowl again... met up with fund and martin... then went over to fund's house to collect some "stuff"... then went to eat at mac at farrer there... of which we saw a dead turtle being eaten by other turtles... gross la ... then went to town area near bugis.. fund had to pass some stuff to zixiang ( who's currently in the band Ink playing in Chan U's Superband )... then sent martin back... then send me back... of which there was a bit of "delay" lol... and then more madness... 6am or 7am in the morning already... and then martin goes "DOTA" on msn... played till around 8.. then went to sleep.

ok i'm just too tired and lazy to properly write out what happened last night. bleahz. this post lacks energy.

P.S. i'll give u all a review of the F.C.B in private. Generally serves it's purpose well. WAKAKAKA

2008-06-02T23:50:00.002+08:00

i'm tired.

累了

" Life is like a russian roulette "

2008-06-01T20:26:00.002+08:00

i'm standing on my 2 feet once again.

but it'll never be the same.

never be the same.

2008-06-01T20:18:00.001+08:00

Lee Seung Gi- Words that are hard to say MV ( Korean )

* video starts with this scene *
at the ending basket ball court.. the girl said..

why do u love me so much.
i got nothing to give you
but this precious kiss

Though we're breaking up and I won't ever see you again
Let me ask one last favor.
The only thing that I can do for you who's filled with tears,
is to let you go with ease.

These words are a bit awkward and so hard to say to you
who's so like me and to him who isn't me.

I hope that you erase all the memories of love and
memories of thankfulness and even my tears.
Don't hurt anymore and don't turn around
just live happily from now on.

I knew a long time ago that a love other than me, had
taken all for your heart.

I don't want to say these to you who's so like me
and to him who isn't me, no matter how hard I try.

I hope that you erase all the memories of love and
memories of thankfulness and even my tears.
Don't hurt anymore and don't turn around
just live happily from now on.

Don't be sorry, don't regret it because he's going to
treat you so much better than I could.
Because this seperation would be good for me if you'd just smile
and forget me completely inside his embrace.

It'll be okay, I'll get used to it no matter
how hard it is to love alone.
Because I'll just keep you inside of my heart as you
leave and turn around.

Letting go is always the hardest thing to do...

2008-06-01T20:13:00.003+08:00

how can i find the words to say...

i found me.

but i lost...

perhaps i didnt even have it in the first place.

why? why? why?

2008-06-01T02:01:00.002+08:00

wow. i'm slow. but i'm one extremely happy person lol ! suddenly all the gd news just keeps coming.

Type-moon. coming out with so many new projects... and a Tsukihime remake ( news announced some time ago but somehow i didnt catch wind of it... strange... )... satsuki's supposedly going to get her own route now.. ( popular demand i guess ) lol.

ahhh. the legendary visual novel finally getting a remake. :D

2008-05-31T17:54:00.002+08:00

new temporary ( maybe permanent? LOL ) hairstyle.

keeping my long hair with hairband now ! lol.

will "upgrade" to a "rat-tail" once i have the chance when my hair's long enough lol.

time to play around with my hair while i'm still young. later no chance... dun want to experiment at 40 years old where i'll look like a lao tiko lol ~

2008-05-31T02:35:00.003+08:00

feeling somewhat melancholic now. too many thoughts running through my head. everything just doesnt feel... or seem right.

dont really know how to describe everything now. just in general... it just seems like happiness is too far away for me to reach.

no idea why i'm feeling all this right now.

dreams shall remain as dreams for me.

perhaps it was all just a cruel reminder to me.

a cruel reminder to what i used to believe in... and tried to discard.

i'm faithless once again.

Still Doll

2008-05-30T12:30:00.000+08:00

Still Doll
Vocals: Wakeshima Kanon
Lyrics: Wakeshima Kanon
Composition: Mana
Arrangement: Mana

Hi Miss Alice.
With glass eyes
What kind of a dream
Are you able to have?
Are you entranced by?
Again for me
My heart tears apart
And flows out
Memories
Pierce into
The mended crevice

Hi Miss Alice.
With a fruitful mouth
To whom are you
Throwing love at?
Grieving love at?
I’m already
Spinning words
The warmth of my tongue
Completely cools
And I can’t sing
The song that I adore

Still, you do not answer.

2008-05-29T21:34:00.001+08:00

drums. may 31st. see you there taman jurong. wakakaka. cannot resist liao. itchy hands already.

2008-05-28T00:26:00.003+08:00

Never ever take your bed for granted. You never know when it'll collapse on you.

...

Ok that was just crap. just feeling lame and wanted to write something lol !

ah. sometimes... no matter how much u listen or talk... when it hits you... it just hits you. life's funny ey.

I'm back. Welcome back.

2008-05-27T03:51:00.002+08:00

WOOHOO

EVEN BETTER NEWS !!! for me at least ! hahaha

Shikabane Hime is finally going to be made into an anime. by none other than Gainax. and hm... but i dun think it'll be as epic as Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann... especially since the fate of one character is already known for those who have seen the manga... not like TTGL which was totally original and shocked us with Kamina's death.

Hahaha but i was telling Kevin months ago that the one thing i would want to see be made into a anime = shikabane hime... and it's come true... wooo... really feels good. One of my favourite mangas... turn into a anime :D Oh anyway somehow i realise... whichever manga i buy... usually gets turned into a anime somehow ( way before they become famous that is )... especially nowadays when i dun buy so much manga already... ahaha... good taste i guess :P Keikashi, Gintama, D gray man, etc etc etc... bought them before they were made into anime... ahahaha... Princess Resurrection as well... er...got quite a few more but cant remember ....

Well... the whole theme of the story is very dark especially with so many people dying... wonder how gainax is going to bring out this dark theme via the anime... hopefully it'll be good... it'd better be good... ahhhhh

now that Shikabane Hime is off my list... i think the next one i would want to see animated is Blood Alone... though it's slow paced... and probably wouldnt suit a lot of viewers... cause it's really unique... Vampire + dark theme + comedy + etc etc etc... i also dunno how to describe. ( Hah. if Blood Alone gets animated... it's gonna prove i've got the Midas touch for picking out potential big hits in manga that are not very famous... lol )

kk it's 4am. gotta sleep. gotta mug. gotta dota. LOL

2008-05-27T00:21:00.004+08:00

i'm a happy man.

found the mp3s for quite a few of the drummania songs i like.

wahahahahahaha

oh !!! i found the mp3 for "Sayonara" as well in one of my earlier posts... from the youtube link ...

wahhhh i'm super super happy now :D

putting that beautiful song on repeat :D

soothing, beautiful song.

2008-05-25T22:35:00.002+08:00

u just gotta love the sun these days.

Tanned. check.

Red Face. check.

Sunburnt. check.

Face pain. check.

wonder when it's gonna start peeling... damn my face hurts now...

wahhh and everybody pls remember !!! SUNBLOCK !!! dun forget like today >.<"

but can only make time for more street after the exams... which by then i'll be havoc-ing with manchunyeye for the next 17 days before he flies off... :( lol !

2008-05-25T02:10:00.002+08:00

yea just fuck off. you're not needed / wanted anymore.

2008-05-24T01:23:00.003+08:00

woo just went on a piano sheet/score hunting spree... found so many songs i want to learn how to play. argh... now learning the short ones that i can find... like intros to songs and stuff...

so roughly the hit list:... er... actually too many to list... intending to learn some of the simpler ones with just the intros... then "tears" is up... along with the intro to "silent jealousy"... and then the rest are all the anime songs... shall slowly take my time to learn / pick after the exams... hahaha...

Currently known

Without you (first 2 mins or so )
An jing intro and a bit...
Libera Me from hell ( easy to learn... )
Tears ( just the first 10 secs or so )

Planning to learn :

Hisoku no sora
Tears
Silent Jealousy intro ( should be the first as it's the shortest and easiest )
Omae no XXX de
Chiisana Tenohira

and more bah after i complete these few... so much to learn. so little time. + i dun know the piano properly

2008-05-23T02:20:00.003+08:00

the end of one of the most tiring nights ever. lol

mj + watch soccer. won back some money last night... and yet at the same time found out i had some old debts i hadnt paid off ( really totally forgot about it sia ... )

so ended up paying a lot less than what should have been lol...

i love qi dui zi ! hahaha...

and congrats to all man u fans on the champs league win.

tired.

Quotes

2008-05-21T02:33:00.002+08:00

"Do not confuse the inexcusable for the unforgivable. If a crime can be excused, then there was nothing to forgive in the first place. It is only when a crime is inexcusable that forgiveness is even an issue. And at that point, forgive. Forgive, if only because it sets you free. Bitterness never produced anything sweet."

"Tears wash away weakness, leaving strength. Cry, then stand tall again."

2008-05-21T01:12:00.001+08:00

WE ARE ~~

WE ARE ~~

WE ARE ~~

X ~~~!!!!!!!!!

Taiwan 2nd august. if can get the tickets i'm so going to go...

2008-05-20T22:02:00.002+08:00

lol... end up really unable to wake up for class.

whole body aching like mad. especially my back. couldnt get out of bed in the morning. like an old man... hahaha...

now still aching badly... but can move about bah...

*snore*

Speaking of which. yes. almost there liao !

2008-05-19T22:25:00.002+08:00

i'm so tired.

mind. gone case.

body. gone case.

arms. gone case.

legs. gone case.

not to mention some cuts here and there, bruises, + one extremely long cut just above my foot

super tiring day.

slept at 5am last night, 7am wake up. 9am+ reach TCHS for street soccer... play until around 1+.. ate lunch, went to jurong point for another few hours of drums until around 5... went home...

PLONKED on the bed and slept till 8+, ate dinner, slept more after that.

and my mind's still groggy.

wonder if i can wake up for lessons tomorrow at this rate.

just sooooo tired...