3+ years later...

still can't let go.

i still haven't spoken to anyone about this issue. i keep trying .. not to think about it... but i just can't. it still hurts.

i... try to avoid it. i tell myself to stop thinking about it... stop looking at it... but i just can't yet.

i really take a long time to let go of things....usually years for those that were really impt.... one of the most significant things in my younger days... took me ard... 7-8 years to get over.. but almost had a relapse again a few years back.

just saw something earlier that really made me feel down... via a blog...

someone is one lucky person... haha... hope he really cherishes what he has....

i guess it hurts more when it's almost in ur grasp... but ... somehow it just slips by. but the pain is definitely not as bad as compared to having and losing it ...

how i miss my good old jack-knife from army days... the one which accompanied me thru BMT ... not too sharp.. not too blunt... just nice for taking away this emotional pain... and converting it into physical pain...

i dunno what to do to divert all the pain away... haiz.

i know i have to let go. but i cant. sigh.

by the way if u want to cut ur own wrist.. dun cut across the wrist...cause in the end ur blood will clot up... cut it via a straight line on the vein from the elbow towards the wrist or vice versa... that's the 100% foolproof way to do it... not like what u see in those stupid TV or movies...