I'm awake, i'm awake

hmmm took a short nap earlier.... and pia-ed thru all my counselling stuff in 3 hrs.. finally finish the exercise + PPP + video editing..... just wondering now whether to burn them into cd or print out or something....

and.. now that i've finished my work... i just can't help but start thinking about stuff again.

my life has gone wrong in too many places. sometimes its just hard to face it all... hard to face the cold harsh reality. Especially when you see others.. enjoying what you can never grasp.... its just a sickening feeling. Especially when those people are your friends.

Thats why sometimes i really hate myself. I hate myself for being envious of friends. I hate myself for being so useless sometimes. I hate myself for screwing up so much.

I really feel the chains on my ankles and shoulders becoming heavier and heavier. I find it getting harder and harder to put on a smile these days.

Its all wrong. But i can't help it.

Oh.. why was i ever born in the first place?