When the truth is hidden by a veil of lies....

Withholding the truth is a terrible, terrible feeling. You just want to spit it all out... but u can't. Because you fear rejection. Because you fear losing everything you have...

But the fact is... everything was built based on lies in the first place.

How i wish i could tell the truth.

How i wish i could stop acting indifferently when i'm really affected

I may act nasty... but i do care...

I may act indifferent... but i am concerned...

I may act happy... but really i'm drained on the inside...

How much longer... must i keep up with this life of mine...

Was reading about Freud's theories on personalities... and defence mechanisms... i realize... that almost all 10 of them apply to me in daily life... especially the one on reaction formation... thinking and doing the opposite of what i really feel... and also displacement ... only that... i convert the emotional pain into physical pain...

As much as i try to tell myself that i don't deserve happiness... my heart still refuses to give in.

With each passing day... as i kill off my dreams slowly one by one... it feels as though... a part of me is dying each day.

Slicing, tearing, eating away....

I slowly rot away... but my heart still remains.

The only portion left untouched.

It seems so fragile... yet so bright... this darkness of mine is unable to pierce it...

Yet i know that its the source of all pain...