now what did i want to write about... hm....

Shit. i forgot what i wanted to blog about. ahh just gonna write anything that comes over me now

argh

but i'm just super sian now.

i really really... wonder whether this life of mine has any meaning... whenever i look at it... there's nothing to be proud of....

i feel wasted. used. cheap... a failure.

i'm just someone not worth crying over for.

this world doesn't need me. nobody needs me.

i jsut lack the courage to kill myself.

if i ever get drunk or high enough.. maybe i would do it.

just no point living on. i can't see any point at all. seriously.

sometimes i really dun fucking care ... even though i know killing myself may cause some people to cry.. but so what? cause i dun even feel that i'm worth anything. i'm something that shouldn't have existed from the start.

If only i could wipe all the memories of myself from everybody... i can go in peace... no one would cry. my existence denied. my sadness would be over. problem solved ... :D

time and again... i seeked happiness.. only to be let down. played about. ah... its all tiring....

words of console from other people... doesn't reach my heart anymore. i know they're trying to help. but i just dun feel... anything... they're just words. no more no less. i dun feel glad that they're trying to help. instead... i only feel sadness... sigh.

Looks like i'm really giving up on happiness and only embracing sorrow... losing the feeling of what happiness really is. Addicted to sorrow? Maybe...

i realise i'm withdrawing even further now.. getting more and more detached from people... now i really am afraid.. i was for a short period able to.. say what was on my mind and heart.. but i think now... i'm on the point of no return... i'm never gonna open my heart up again. ever.

in the end... all those whom i open up to... drift further and further away from me... leaving me feeling sad. leaving me feeling extremely fucked up.just like a ship which loses its habour, cursed to sail on forever in the stormy seas... i'ld really rather not have the feeling of what having a habour is like in the first place. at least i won't be sad. nor will i be happy though

I look forward to the day that i can return to the darkness... but i'll live on now with tears...