Nuclear ~ Emo-ism

Thiru and his lame jokes again... ahh he's getting more and more neurotic each class. Explained why librarians are called librarians... etc etc...whatever... esp his "nuclear" family / bomb jokes...

Haha so anyway today was Eileen's birthday. Happy Birthday Eileen !

After class.... the gals had prepared a small cake and 2 presents for Eileen.. one was a Playboy bracelet ( or was it anklet? hm... ) and another pendant .. a heart with a key....

Haha.. then actually they wanted to do something funny for eileen.. which was like making giving the heart shaped pendant to eileen... then a guy will go "and i wanna hold the key to your heart" or something like that... haha....

In the end they got Ming to do the job instead of me... haha but eileen noticed something wrong while Ming was talking midway... ( she's sharp ! ) ... haha and she roughly guessed what was going on. Funny la i tell you. The look on her face was quite funny when she suspected something wrong...

Somehow... i didn't feel like going home honestly after it was over... somehow i just lingered around a bit.... then just as i was about to leave the first time... i met JY in the toilet. So it was like.. his father hadn't come yet.. so i decided to accompany him initially.... so we went back to class and sat down. Just didn't feel like going back home at all. No idea why. Think i just wanted to go out... maybe i was just feeling too bored.

So back in class, Melissa,Eileen, Jeanette were doing their lab report / assignments... and a few other people were still in the class. Haha... then i started talking to jeanette about emo-ism... dressing style, preferences and stuff.... then the some of the rest started asking me questions about the lab report.. and i helped them out.. ( i hope )... then slowly one by one the people in the class left.. including JY... and there was only me and Melissa left in the class.

Yea so initially i was helping her with her lab report... then we started talking and talking ... until we started talking about personal stuff... H.T.H. if you'ld call it. I have no idea how it even started. I have even no idea how i could just openly speak about stuff i would normally never tell anyone... stuff that i probably only mentioned to one other person before.... it was like.. just peaceful.. someone who i could identify with... ahhh ... she really has a very different ... but beautiful view on happiness... but yea... it really touched me in a way. Shall mention no more now...

And so.. yea ... we left the class.. probably ard 5:45 ( or close to that )... she had some errands to do.. and so i left for home first...

Hmmmm..... i still wonder why and how i opened up my heart so easily.... the 2nd person i've probably talked to about this kinda stuff, never even talked to my parents / siblings about it. How did this happen? I really wonder.... -_-"

t(-_-t)

great. its my birthday and i'm feeling absolutely, extremely fucked up.

I don't even feel like going anywhere fancy to eat.. and yet i'm "forced" to... "since its my 21st birthday" ...

Whatever.... i don't think birthdays are worth celebrating.. especially since there's nothing to be proud of...

Proud of living like a zombie for the past 21 years ?

Proud of dragging my soul-less body around for the past 21 years ?

Proud of living with this pain since god-knows-when ?

Zzzzz... think i'll just drink it all away for today.... can't be fucked...

I really don't know what to expect anymore in this life.

I just want to throw it all away.. my dreams.. my expectations...

Cause in the end.. all of it only serves to betray me...

This pain is ripping my soul apart.

No longer able to see life in the same light...

Give me a reason...

Give me a reason.....

Sinister laughter, smirks, exasperated smiles, all those are abundant. But never did we see him smiling from the heart

Hm... just some ( actually quite a lot ) of stuff i wrote during my lecture today.... just felt... really down... really wrote all this in paragraphs.. in random order... haha... maybe it sounds like there's no link to everything.. but whatever... just writing down what i felt at each time.

I've stopped dreaming since a long time ago.
I Don't even dare to dream anymore.
My hopes, dreams, and wishes ultimately become my desperation.
My heart is in shambles. Fragile.
I Can't take anymore blows.
So please.. don't show me hope and then take it all away...
I'ld rather live a life without any hope at all.
I don't dare to take that first step out...
To break out of my heart-wrenching fate.
If life is a dream, just kill me.

I envy those close to me. I see them enjoying their lives.
I can only mourn and regret my own predicament.
Sometimes.. it's not just about the individual having the will to take the first step..nor the determination to change things...
It's just.. impossible...

Help can never be around all the time.
A life of fantasy
A life where there'll always be someone around for you.
Impossible.
I'ld rather give up from the start,
than to try and get hurt again.
Would this lessen my pain?
I have no idea.
But i'll definitely live a life of regret and despair.

I told someone recently, not to let fear of rejection rule his life.
But.. who am i kidding?
I'm the one living in this fear...
Trying to avoid rejection... by not letting hope come in in the first place.
Bring me to the heavens and back to hell...
I'ld rather avoid that trip.
Blind me, Kill me, Tear out my heart.
This pain grows... wallowing in my sorrow...

I crave so much for the light.
Yet i fear it at the same time.
I see a rose in the distance.
A bloody rose.
Full of life and vibrancy.
The desire to obtain it is overwhelming.
Always stuck in my thoughts,
Eating into my soul.
This craving is just killing me.
"Why not pick it up?" you say...
Yet i know.. that in the end i'll only get hurt,
by its rosy thorns.
Innocence. Beauty. Pureness.
Yet it can only hurt once obtained.
And in the end.. the rose will wither...
Gone it will be... forever...
Yet only pain remains....
If only.. i'ld never seen the rose in the first place,
I'ld never have to go through this pain.

I'm so afraid of myself.
I know that once i obtain something i've craved for so long...
I'll only be over-obsessive.
I'll only scare and chase it away in the end.
I'll only end up hurting the ones closest to me.
I never want to be in this kind of situation.
Shutting out everyone from me is the path i've taken.
Sometimes wondering if i've taken the right path...
Once too many times.. my predictions have come true....
Being able to think... is my bane...
Seeing only darkness....

Chain me down forever in this darkness.
Let me sleep and have beautiful dreams...
Dreams that i won't wake up from...
For i know that if i wake up...
Only pain and fear awaits me.

Emo. Shagged. Fear.

damn shagged. just got back. not going to go much into details....

Wahhhh jam packed weekend.....

Friday night joined NTU hall 6 ppl for ice skating + supper at first....

Its been like...1 year + since i last skated ? wow.... really couldn't get the feel of the ice again... until after a while... haha..and it was really damn crowded that night... got ngee ann poly ppl + ntu hall ppl = GG ... crashed once into someone from hall 6 ... >.<"

haha then after that go geylang for supper with them... joined fund and co. lol... learned all the "ho liao" and stuff.... got to know more people....

After that ... was... something which i shall not mention... haha....

Saturday morning go back... then chiong a bit of assignment then go out again.. for Natsu Matsuri.. saw dawn yeoh... etc etc... ok la.. this year wasn't that impressive as compared to last time... and too bad the summer festivals in singapore don't have any fireworks...

then after that go over to benson's house to stay overnight.. originally to play mj and watch soccer.. but ended up as soccer -> mac -> sleep... lol...

supposed to go to play street soccer today... but i .. fly kite... haha... needed to chiong assignment la... gone from my house for almsot 2 whole days already.... then tonight went over to KKH's place for steamboat... played "I never" again... lol ....

ahhhhhhhh sometimes... i really dunno what to do with my life.... shall not go into details....

Luck Come Luck Go. Chance Come Chance Go.. Blame who? Blame me :D :(

Luck comes rarely for me... especially this year my luck is extremely bad ... extremely. But hopefully now the signs are pointing to the better.... BUT....

Chances come pass me occasionally.. but i still too hum to take em. yea yea i know some one out there is saying " MAI HUM. CHIONG AR !!! " .... haha.... yea i am taking my chances now... better to take rather than regret later huh.... wish me luck ....

Lol.. for the past weekend .. been trying to mug ... got exams coming up on wednesday.. but can't help but blog.. a little addicted to blogging liao.... lol...

Need to chop chop .. need to study more.

Friday night soccer as usual... a little mahjong... sleep.. saturday study.... sunday went ard hunting bday present for yh at first.. then in the end fund bought it... haha... and all those extra cosplay stuff... $$$ fly liao.... then went to yh house in the evening to have steamboat... was quite gd.... enjoying it.. until i realised that we needed to pay for the steamboat.. -_-" haha... but quite worth it considering how much i ate.. but can't be compared to YX la... how the hell he keep eating all the way and dun feel full... and he's so freaking skinny la....then went over to clara's house.. and WOW... >.<" nice, beautiful... like u've stepped into another dimension... to me it feels that way.. ( i know those who've been to mao mao's house would say otherwise though... ) haha... then go back watch soccer.. liverpool vs chelsea... CCB fuked up referee... lol but he kena from the referee-ing association... his next allocated match will be taken over by another referee... really is Rob Styles... " Rob Liverpool in Style... " knn... liverpool supposed to win lor.. and torres scored a damn nice goal la.. tight angle with defender on him + cech covering angle.. and score by shooting to far post... Swee la... can see better things to come from him.....

haha... then today go to skool for morning and afternoon lecture.... studied in between the breaks for the mid term exams.... at macdonalds again.. lucky i made it in time to get the 2 dollar sausage mc-muffin + coffee.... then afternoon lesson was that OMGBBQWTF boring lecturer again... so far she's the only lecturer whose class i've slept in... thats why i didn't seem to be in a gd mood today.. lack of sleep after last night's liverpool match also.. was so angry that i couldn't sleep even for 2 hours after the match ended... ANGER MANAGEMENT SOMEONE !!!! ( ok i admit i slept in patrick's class also but for like only 5-10 secs.. )....

Haha.. seems like KKH can't get the natsu matsuri tickets for me.. so that leaves me with the 24 hours trip on 25th august... now to see who's going on that day... cause there's another weekend where its organised also... so have to see who... who... hm.......

" oh oh oh beautiful sands ~~ beautiful sands ~~ i see castles in the skies and bubbles everywhere ~~~ oohhhh " ok.. that's lame... and why suddenly write this ? hm.. no thanks to someone who keeps singing the first portion.. ( i added in the rest myself hahaha )

k la k la time to study. chao mangalee must turn to muggerlee mode... time to continue mugging..... get all 40 mcq questions for the mid term exam correct and i'm 2 steps away from either a Disctinction or a High.D. ... haha...just joking.. most likely impossible .. but must aim high high.... time for no regrets..... chiong arrrrrr

Which animal are you ?

http://world.doubutsu-uranai.com/index.html


Which animal are you? Quite accurate...

You are Green Cheetah, who looks sharp and fearless.
Your unhesitating manner leaves strong impression on people.
You tend to be little short tempered.
Your moves are fast, and you can make decisions so fast that you do not give other person a chance to take a breath.
Concerning your personal relationship, you calculate the merits and demerits of having a relationship from the start.
You tend to have relationships that do not inflict loss on yourself.
You are very straight forward person.
Therefore, your friends and enemies are clear.
You will put in great effort in catching someone who would become useful to you.
Like your looks, you are very smart and intelligent.
You have great many talents.
You are always finding new things to challenge, and is a person with strong desire to reform.
You are quick on changes that occur in the society, and are very interested in politics.
You are workaholic.
You love what you do.
Your career comes before your personal life.
You are weak on making long term plans, and tend to be too optimistic.
You will be successful if there is someone who is precise to assist you.

LOL Swee ~

http://japansugoi.com/wordpress/very-funny-smap-parody-magician-zero-vs-magician-cyril/

Haha... Takuya Kimura vs Cyril ~~ MAGICO ~~~

Part1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wa7oLSRWWdI


Part2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwtN6vYHYtY

ROFLMAO WTFFFFF

LOL A DAMN HILARIOUS PICTURE I REALLY NEED TO SHARE




LOLOLOLOL

Food Tour~

Haha gonna update more about the food tour with pics.. ( very little pics though )

Gonna be in a real casual tone this time round.. dun have too much time to refine my words this time round. Shall edit along as i remember more stuff...

Happened on tuesday...

Supposed to meet up at 1 .. but some people were late :D

Patrick brought along his 2 canadian frds and his brother if i'm not wrong ( once again i'm not very good at remembering names ) .. and Patrick looks so different when he wears casual and his spectacles ... Normally he wears smart-wear to work and goes without his glasses ... i couldn't recognise him at first until he spoke to me... >.<"

Serena and her sister Pamela a.k.a Venus , were our tour guides... ( William sisters.. ring a bell ? )

Then there was also Ming, James, me, Jeanette, Melissa, and Eileen.

So ok.. the first destination was China Food Square near Raffles Place.... k so basically we tried the .. claypot rice, homemade noodles ( ban mian ).. and Thunder Tea Rice... and one more item which i can't remember. LoL.. the thunder tea rice... supposed to be a nurtritional dish... and it came as one bowl of rice mixed with organic foods such as nuts and stuff.. and another bowl of .. erm.. "tea" ? And that tea tasted... strange.. had mint.. but bland... Ah but the claypot rice was good.. really nice.

So actually the next stop was supposed to be the food museum.. but it was closed... so we moved on.. to Maxwell food centre for desert instead... And my god.. the ice kachang there is damnnnnnn huge for 2.30.... largest i've seen in years. Forgot to take a picture though... Then however.. Serena asked the ppl in my table whether we wanted to try the char kway teow and the carrot cake... so we agreed and tried it... it was also good.... especially the carrot cake. At the same time.. it just so happened that we were sitting with the Canadian friends that patrick brought along... so we learnt more about canada's education system and policies as such... something similar to that of japan's i guess.. in having something like a entrance exam...

Next stop was much of a debate... and after some discussion.. they decided to go to Mustafa to take a walk to digest the food... it was around.. 4pm i believe... So we broke up into our own groups and walked ard... Pat with his frds, the gals.. and the guy's groups.... and i bought a nike soccer ball there.. 20 bucks. Haha.. then i learnt Eileen was planning some kinda street soccer thing at Safra of the like.. and i volunteered.. haha as keeper ... let the gals have the fun :D Oh... and James decided to "disappear" at this point...think he had something on...and told us not to tell anybody until the appointed time to meet up again ... So after we met up again.. the girls were asking " Ey? Where's James "... So Ming said that he didn't know... and i said "Oh he went off first." Then suddenly Melissa went "You're lying right ?" ... I really wonder at that point of time.. what made her think that i was lying ... my face? or my tone ? or my body language... hm... Jeanette also left as she had.. some cycling going on later....

After which we just went across the street to one of the indian shops for .. PRATA ~. Tried the various different types of prata.. and the different kinds of curries.. fish curry.. chicken curry.. spicy chicken curry.. arloo ( i think its spelt that way ) prata , egg prata, cheese prata... etc.... and wow... it was not bad honestly... especially the cheese prata.. REALLY CHEESY TASTE to it..and generous too ! Not like some other miserly shops that give u one slice of normal cheddar cheese...

Ok so finally our last destination was the Balestier franchise outlet of Boon Tong Kee.... So as some people know.. JCU singapore may be moving from its SPRING campus to the one in toa payoh.. and we saw it / passed by it... it looks like some secondary / primary school from what i saw on the outside... So since i asked patrick regarding the moving of campus and he said that they are waiting for approval... but still JCU is under consideration to take over the campus in Tanglin where UNSW used to reside... and that the current campus cannot afford to take in any more students due to restrictions in size... so which means that we may have to move by October when the next batch of students come in... so i asked him again whether there's a hostel or something of the like in the toa payoh campus.. and he said yes... but i'm not too sure about that considering that he may not have heard my question properly and that he hasn't been to the toa payoh campus also..cause i'm living in Jurong la... so damn far away from toa payoh... So anyway moving on...

Shall let the pics do the talking here.. mainly tried the chicken.. salad you tiao, kang kong, salted fish + chicken, and vege with oyster sauce ( i think oyster sauce ) ....

Now u see it....


Now u don't ~


And the people involved..

Pat's brother ( i think )



Patrick ( in white t-shirt ) and his 2 canadian frds



Left to Right : Melissa and Pamela a.k.a Venus



Left to Right : Serena & Eileen


haha.. my photos sucks cause they're from my phone... So yea.. the food was quite good... 10 people for .. ard 125.20 i think... so ard 12.50 a person.. notch bad la.. for the standard of food.

Then after that.. the gals decided to go bowling.. patrick had to go to work the next day ( actually he came today on the pretext of sick leave from work :P ).. so he left with his canadian frds first ( but they may have gone to grab some booze first though... haha ) Ming was like " Oh man i really wanna go with em " ... but he decided to go bowling also.. and i joined in also...

So we moved on to SAFRA Toa Payoh ( i think )... and the place was really very nice... nice decor.. and the pool also... haha.. so we made our way into the bowling alley and played... until after one round..( i observed the group scores where the rest didn't really take note and were just playing for fun.. and we won by ard 20-30 points only.. ) where they decided to play a group match.The losing group would have to buy the winning group drinks... My group comprised of me, Ming and Melissa. The other group of Serena, Pamela, and Eileen...then they said " Guys must let us by 20 points.. so your group must let us by a total of 40 points." I went like O.o cause i didn't think it was possible at that time... neither of our groups have pro bowlers.. haha.. then as the 2nd round progressed.. Melissa's thumb started to hurt as she had long fingernails... then the other gals proceeded to help her trim it... and LoL.. serena said to tear the nail off.. and everyone went O.O ?!!! Haha.. then we all saw that melissa's pouch was full of stuff... REALLY full of all kinds of stuff... haha like doraemon... poor gal.. finger pain.. but she continued to bowl bravely.... and.. SHE WON IT FOR US .... haha... cause at the last part... Melissa managed to hit 3 pins as the last person to bowl for our group... to make our group have a total score of 297 ( and minus 40 = 257 )... and the other group managed to hit 255... win by 2 pins ! Haha.. just nice ...

So while our group were waiting for the drinks.. i accompanied Melissa to the toilet as she didn't dare to go by herself... and we walked outside the bowling alley in the cheap "makeshift" socks that we bought ( 1 dollar each i think as most of us were wearing sandals/flip flops ) as we couldnt wear our bowling shoes outside the alley.. ( yes yes i know its dumb and that i shld have worn my own shoes / sandals but wateva ... ) ... And so.. the toilets are like just a small cubicle / room by itself.. so you know those kind of doors that have ventilation slits at the bottom.... So she told me to stand just right outside the door so that she could see my feet... >.<" ... felt strange standing outside the woman's toilet in socks... Haha and so she was done after a while and we went back to enjoy the drinks....

Afterwhich it was getting late.. so we all decided to go back... and we all parted ways at the interchange...

Zzzz from toa payoh back to jurong.. a chore sia.. take mrt.. change here change here.. lucky my sister came to fetch me at Lakeside MRT.. ard 12+am already.. lunar 7th month some more...

Other random stuff from the day itself...

Haha.. so that was about it ... the day itself... but i'm still thinking about something melissa said... cause when i told her i stay in jurong.. she said that she had a long way back with "jurong kids" ... and when i asked her why... she said " Its for you to find out... " .... hm... jurong kids.. jurong kids.... no idea lol...

Hmm... Eileen's really into soccer... Man U fan ....

Didn't know patrick played Lineage... wonder how he gets the time to do so considering that he's striving for his doctorate and yet being a tutor/lecturer at the same time.... and i wonder how old is he... probably late 20s - early 30s i guess...

OH ... and i saw a Ipoh Hor Fun stall in chinatown.. dunno if it's authentic though... been bitten too many times already.. THE REAL IPOH HOR FUN IS SOUP BASED !!!!! NOT THE CRAPPY SAUCE BASED ONE THAT IS IN SINGAPORE....

And oh lastly... i FINALLY bought it.. damage of 109... ( yes i know can get it cheaper at quite a lot of other places.. but wateva.. in the end the transportation costs add up )



SWEE LA red red glory to LIVERPOOL ~~~ WAKAKAKAKAKA

Shagged.

shagged. food tour. shall post more tml... Doraemon ~ William Sisters ~ ! And more ! haha


and oh... i got a new soccer ball for friday street soccer !

DEBU ( FATTY ) NOTE

http://www.piratr.com/action/viewvideo/580/Death_Note_parody/



LoL SIBEI KOK DEATH NOTE PARODY

High & Mighty Colour - Dreams

Kanji

二人の手 吸い付くように
離れない いつも一緒さ
気付いたら そばにいたよね
打ち上げた こともないまま
終わらない夏 どこまでも行こうよ
大好きだよ
昨日までも 明日からも おなじはずだった
夢がそっと 告げていたよ
楽しいほど 終わりそうで
不思議だよね 離れた手がおちて
まるで迷子みたい いつの間にかいない
傾けた砂時計には こぼれてく二人の記憶
重ねたて擦り抜けるように
落ちてゆくおともないまま
届かない夏 指きりは寂しく手をふるけど
昨日までも 明日からも 君を探してる
夢がそっと 告げていたよ
無邪気なほど 壊れそうで
不思議だよね ありがとうの言葉が
まるで最後みたい いつの間にかいない
巡る季節を さかさまに巡ってた
いつかまた会えると
正しい信じてた 孤独から逃げるように
もう終わりにしよう
恋と違う 解釈でも
愛と違う 関係いいでも
二人はもう あたらしい二人に
慣れる僕はゆくよ よスピードにのって
だからきっと 哀しくない
だからきっと 君は泣かない
だからきっと あの時の二人に
さよならもう告げても 泣いたりしないよ

English Translation

As if our hands are stuck together
It won't separate, we'll always be together
You were there when I noticed
Even if we've never confessed to each other

Let us go somewhere far in this endless summer, I love you
until yesterday and from tomorrow was supposed to be the same

The dream softly told us
The funner it is, the end seems near
Isn't it weird how the separated hands drop
It's as if we're lost, you're suddenly gone

In the tilted hourglass
The memories of us fall
As if it's slipping through our overlapped hands
They fall without making any sound

The pinky promise from the distant summer waves sadly but
until yesterday and from tomorrow I'm searching for you

The dream softly told us
The more innocent it is, it seems more fragile
Isn't it weird how that thank you
Seems like the end, you're suddenly gone

We were going through the seasons in inverse order
thinking that we'll meet again someday
I simply believed that rather than running away from loneliness
It's better to just end it

Even if it's a different interpretation from love
Even if it's a different relationship than love
The two of us can become new
I'll go on at high speed

That's why I won't be sad
That's why you won't cry
That's why we won't cry
When we say good bye to the two of us from that time

Pwn-ed big time.

Crazy crazy times. SO many things ( at least of my mental state ) happen in the past few days like a roller-coaster ride.

Firstly... i wanna say once again..

Fund, i'm sorry... and thank you for everything. I really feel damn bad for what i've done... and i'm really really grateful to you.

And so re-collecting the events that happened over the past few days...

First Event ( Main events )

All started on Wednesday.. when shawn, my classmate from JCU, sms-ed me whether i wanna play street soccer on friday at clementi. Ok.. firstly at this period of time.. i'd sort of "fallen out" with fund.. and he usually also plays street soccer at clementi also... so i was like hesitating a bit here and there.. before i decided to face up to myself... if fate would have it.. and he were there.. then i'ld apologise to him personally la....

So ok.. Friday came... had lessons from 2-5pm.. it was during lessons that i confirmed that shawn was jio-ed by mdm chih to play street soccer. As usual.. " Got population ! Just come ! " To be honest, i was really fretting when i heard about it. Wondering how to face fund... Bleah... pondering about it up till the point where when Thiru our tutor asked me a question.. i sat there.. gave a crappy response and the "Hmmm i wonder how to tackle this question" kinda look.... when actually i had thought of a answer quite some time ago...

So after lessons ended 15 mins before 5... i was really getting slightly frustrated.. stoned at the bus stop outside JCU for about.. 30 mins.. just sat and thought about it... until i decided no point stoning...

Supposed to meet at 8 pm for soccer ..... but i went over to clementi kopitiam to have dinner... played initial D 3 to take my mind off it for a while.. then i finally walked to the street soccer and stoned there for 45 mins... just sat there watching the Bballers in action...

And so 8pm.. met up with shawn and co. at clementi MRT.. and mdm chih came to pick us up... at that time fund and benson hadn't arrived yet... so we started playing first .. and the malay ppl there came along and joined in to "make up the population". And i couldn't focus nor concentrate... let in 3 easy goals... 1 even went through even though the shot was straight at my feet...

Ok.. and finally fund arrived.. really felt panicky at this moment. But i kena stunned when he came.. saw me and said in a frdly tone " Ey julian also here" . I totally wasn't expecting that. Not after what i had done. My mind went blank at that moment. Thats why i didn't know how to respond at that moment. It was like that through the street soccer court session.. until i decided that i needed to do something.. can't just keep on going like that without apologising..

Ok and i must admit.. i'm really not good at apologies.. but it comes from the bottom of my heart. And fund didn't even mind. Just felt like a burden was lifted off me from this point....

And i really wanna thank shawn for all the support that he's shown me as to regards with this issue....really needed someone to support my in the slightest bit in this kinda times...

2nd Event ( $100 gone in 9 hours )

So ok.. after the street soccer session.. got jio-ed by fund and the rest to go to their NTU hall to play mahjong... thought that maybe can make some small winnings.. BIG MISTAKE !!!

Wahhhh first round pwned big big... lost ard 60 + dollars just from that round.. and 1 "tai" only 20 cents.... i never got to "GAME" at all until the very very very very last turn where i "gamed" small.... "Break Record" sia....

But this is where it got worse... cause midway through the first round.. one of benson and fund's hall mates ( i think thats how you call it ? ) joined... named hui ying if i remember correctly.. which sounded like "will win" when directly translated. She went on winning streak in the 3rd session la... 13 Yao.. then Hu MAN MAN MAN .... wah... money really fly..... then last part best..... again i have the last turn, then i can hu.. she "qiang hu" ... Zzzzzzzzz

In the end i lose 40 bucks to her, 30 to mao, 30 to fund. >.<" 100 in total.

Totally never sleep last night. close to straight 9 hours of mahjong w/o any sleep...

Haha.. but it was all fun la.. money fly can earn back... :D :D :D


3rd.. Event ( Hm.. interesting stuff i heard about me ... )

Ok it started with this...think i'll need to explain quite clearly... Earlier on monday morning as mentioned in my earlier post on the 6th... just after computing lesson in JCU... i met up with Christina and Ming... and so they wanted to go out for lunch.. and i was like "OK"... Then ming suddenly mentioned that he wanted to ask other people along for lunch... so "OK" again.. and he decided to ask the girls if they wanted to go for lunch.. which consisted of ( i'm not very good at names so i shall mention those i remember ) Yasmine, Serena, Eileen, Melissa and a few others and our computing tutor/lecturer Patrick...

In the end we went to the Cafeteria on the 3rd floor of JCU... but actually Ming, Chris and me decided that we'll just join in at the cafe first.. and eat outside later .. as 1) it was still quite early ard 11+am.. 2) the cafe food.. er... CMI.
Learned about the some of their interests.. haha and i especially remember the soccer part.. Eileen's quite the Man U fan.... wear man u jersey to class a few times already....

So ok at this point of time they were discussing about having a "Food Hunt"... go around singapore and going to whack all the good food.... And i once again went "Ok" ...

And now this is where it all comes into the scene. So on Friday.. once Thiru's lessons had ended.. Just as i was preparing to leave, Serena came over to confirm with me whether i wanted to go for the "food hunt".. which is to be on.. next Wednesday if i remember correctly. So i confirmed that i'ld be going.. tok a bit of cok with them and then left. I remember just right after confirming with Serena that i'ld be going.. when i turned around.. i saw Jun Yan like... just looking at me ( Basically Shawn, Jun Yan and me sit together during lectures / tutorials .. tables of 3s ) and i was wondering why so... but i found out later... haha....

It was during the street soccer session later that evening.. when one of shawn's frds ( not from JCU ) spoke to me. ( Sorry but i cant remember his name.. but he wore specs.. i'm not very good at remembering names )

Shawn = S , Shawn's Frd = SF , Me = JL

Ok so the conversation went something like that.. Cant recall THAT accurately... especially towards the later part between me and shawn..

SF : So i heard you're quite popular with the gals in your class..

JL : O.o Huh?? Where'd you hear that from.

SF : Oh Shawn was telling me about it.

*Looks at shawn with wide open eyes wondering what just happened*

S : Oh because Jun Yan was telling me that just now after lessons, the gal was asking you whether you'd be going on the some food hunt with them.... and he was wondering why he wasn't invited.... So you should be quite popular huh..

JL : Errr..... NO LA ! The popular one's Mikael.. the swedish guy in our class.... and they ask me to go on the food hunt cause on monday me , Ming and Christina went out for lunch with some of the gals.....

* Ends something like that as i tried to avoid the topic and i think my team's turn came ard to enter the fray *

Wahhh siao liao la... ><" hopefully this won't lead to further misunderstanding or some kinda embarassing situations...



So.. what just happened these few days has really been.. roller-coaster ride for me... just feeling tired both physically and mentally... but.. yea.. i'm happy :D

Time to start the new slogan " NO TO OVER-EXCESSIVE EMO-ISM "

Thank god psychology / counselling classes / watsoeva has woken up my idea with a tight slap to my face.

Picture Spam AGAIN !

Melancholy

Ahhh fuck.

I once swore once.. to try to live this life w/o any more new regrets..

sadly.. i broke it. over and over.

Just can't stop thinking about what i've done. Just can't stop thinking whether...

Never mind...

These kinda times really make me wonder what's the meaning in life.. even though logically i know that there isn't really any fixed answer...

Raison D'être,Raison D'être,Raison D'être,Raison D'être

Guess i'll never be able to find one in my life.

Especially after reading Venus Versus Virus.. wah.. volume 4 really almost made me cry... can just empathize with the Lucia.. whatever that she's going through... the fear... fear... fear....Hah.. but all comic characters that are so emo.. in the end.. they have happy endings... in real life.. it'll never happen....

Life needs to be tinged with sadness.. before u realise what bliss is.... but once you screw it up.. and the blissfulness is gone... only leaving you in the darkness once again... and it won't come back... The feeling would be even worse than before you know what bliss is....

Ahhh how i wish i could turn back time...

Living life in the darkness is truly something scary.. something which can drive people to the edge of madness...Fear dominates your life... its effects can't be just described in words...

Guess i'm just living in a world called " Neverending Spiral Of Fear and Insanity "

And i'm trying not to let anyone into my world... i don't want to suffer no more.. nor do i want people to see my suffering... I don't want any more false hopes... i don't want history to repeat itself anymore...

Currently Listening To : Abingdon Boys School - Howling ( Darker Than Black OP1 )

Chioonnnggg arrrrr

wakakakaka completed my computing assignment today ! deadline ? august 23rd. wakakakaka.

Spent 5 hours straight just doing the final 2 summaries , reference and appendix portion... but still need to double check.. gots quite some stuff still not sure whether i got the format correct... need to go ard and check with other ppl's work ...

7 items left to go.... T_T and i need to go jurong point C.C to collect my tenjo tenge 1-5 ... order arrive liao.. but gonna be poorer by 50 bucks... T_T

oh.. and there's FINALLY going to be a King of Fighters movie.. directed by a HK director.. to be in english language.... and i think its gonna be a flop.. dunno who they gonna get to act as iori... who the hell can bring out his ub3r1337ness...

lol. think my posts this days.. getting more and more no link. becoming more and more slack.. can't be bothered to write in proper english anymore ... and just writing down wateva i feel at the moment.. dun wanna be restrained by just one topic to focus on each time i blog / post ... freedom is a necessity, not a privilege.

Currently Listening To : Kataritsugu Koto - Blood+ anime.

rest day

haha giving myself a break today.... rushing too much stuff recently... esp with the pressure and heat coming on...

arr.. finally its coming to the mid-semester break soon... but got all these quizzes and assignments to do >.<" computing... psych assignment ... etc.. then the quizzes for every single tutorial coming up liao... breaks in sg really dun feel like breaks... then just recently.. i saw that World of Warcraft coming up with another new expansion pack.. holy shit.. now based on northend... where arthas resides.. wa kao in the trailer can see his WoW form already made liao... Can fight Arthas... then also got Death Knight hero class ! See the trailer preview.. death knight class like quite kewl....extremely tempted to play again...but dunno whether got time since i'm in uni now.... play 2 years liao.. then stop in april... didn't have any withdrawal symptom luckily... but now.. with this expansion.. arrrr headache ar.... but i know my future must be placed on the higher priority Really miss those days of raiding with my guild on Barthilas server... really miss those days whre can tok cok sing song with the rest while raiding.. miss all the jokes.. all the fun stuff... all the pokes at Itami / Fred ... haha wonder how they're doing now.

As for today in class... for Intro to counselling.. haha did the DISC personality test... ended up with : 49 -C 44 -S 32 -I 22 -D C - > Compliant , Cautious , Correct

Main Features : Think things through, accurate, high standards, careful , systematic, precise.

Danger zones : Find faults easily, focused on details and may miss the big picture. Too critical at times.

Value to Team : Good organizer, follows directions, even-tempered, clarifies situation well.

Motivation: Affirmation, Rules and Regulations.

Greatest fear : Criticism of work and efforts.




Hm... relatively accurate.. but this applies to how i do work.. As Tim , our lecturer /tutor, said... we can have diff types of personality styles that is applied to diff things.. so C is to regards as to how i do work..

S, which is my 2nd highest score, reflects me normally i guess... esp it's danger zones and greatest fears part... ( too lazy to type it out )

then sian... recently i keep hearing a lot of suicide cases.. like just now i see on the forums at HWZ.. got people fell / jump onto MRT track again... at Tampines... then my dad tell me something like what.. today morning got 3 ppl commit suicide ? Hmmmmm..... wonder where people get the courage to commit suicide... i dun have the courage though.. esp back then when i had depression.. the max i could go to was to just hurt myself.. use penknife and cut myself. I understand that sometimes it just hurts so deep inside your heart.. the torture.. u may not be able to take it... but can u really pluck up the courage to do it ? to end ur life? Hm... maybe i've still got too many bonds which i cant let go...

Haha suddenly ... i miss ice skating....

Oh.. and back to today's class. Last part of it was practicing our "body language" ... 3 ppl in a grp... one counsellor , one client (patient la.. but referred to as client ) , and one observer.... just only a practice....

then suddenly i was first to be counsellor... then i tio stun. my "client" which was my frd suddenly talked about a more personal problem ( which i shall not mention ) ... then i tio stunned...but luckily everything went ok la... lucky only practice session so he know cannot delve too deep also.

and i need to get the adidas liverpool jersey soon.... so that next time can yayapapaya if liverpool wins chelsea or manure.. wa kaoz i realise amongst the gals.. most are manure and chelski fans... only i one liverpool fan.. damn sad la. haha just pray that liverpool dun kena whack by them can liao.

Aims for this week and next week : 1) Learn guitar notes properly
2) Learn to play 2nd page of "Without You" Piano
*3) Finish up computing assignment ( 95% DONE ! )
4) Do up 3/4 of exp. psych. APA assignment.
5) Do the 2nd computing assignment on..excel (?)
6) Do my notes on exp. psych + sociology
7) Study for exp.psych mid terms
7) Study for computing quizzes

So many things to do.. so little time... chiong liao ARRRRR

Oh.... haha reminds me next wednesday got the "Food Day" .. but see how whether i'll go... see whether got any other guy got go first.. if not only i 1 guy sure damn extra...

wah suddenly realise this post damn long. wordy. wakakakakaka enuf la. quite a crappy post...

O.o

lol wtf.... got full marks for the computing quiz ... when i was expecting only around 6/10 ....

got to know more people in the class today... haha all thanks to ming ( who's not feeling well though >.<" )

tired.. only got 4 hours of sleep last night. more assignments + quizzes coming up >.<"

Raaannndom thought of the day: Desire is a double edged sword. Yet it reflects the true you.

Currently Listening To : Yoshiki / Violet UK - Blind Dance

Game Over

Been quite some time since i last posted. Wasn't in much mood ... nor had the energy la...

Zzz trying to take my mind off things... then go on shopping spree.. now my wallet hurts instead... Cables, speakers, specs, comics, clothes, files, etc... siao liao la...

LoL went out for lunch with Ming and Christina the other day... found out much more about them... esp chris with her "naughty" adventures and ming talking about lifestyles... haha.. interesting people to be with... Chris's from Ipoh also.. haha.. and ming told me quite a lot of stuff about australia... Need to mingle more with the class...





Think its time for me to take the first step... think i've been trying to live a life of lies... trying to live a life of fantasy all along...

Its not wrong. But its not right either. Am i happy now ? Nope.... I seriously need to change my life bah..think its time for the truth.

Anyway.. i just wanna say i'm sorry for all that i've said. I was probably childish. I was harsh ... you probably felt betrayed by me. But i dun expect you to forgive me. That day i was really feeling extremely.. emo if you'ld call it. Was just thinking it over... i'ld probably grown too dependent on you emotionally...too attached to you... i was .. afraid. Afraid of losing it all. Sometimes.. some things that were said.. may have just been just minute.. but it mattered all so much to me.. just so afraid.. cause it mattered to me so much. You may not have noticed it.. but some words just hurt me alot.. just that i tried not to show it. Sometimes it really made me feel tired...yea.. i'm weak and i'm selfish.. sorry for not emphatizing with you more... sorry for being the fucker that i am ... Wish that sometimes things would go back to the way they were... but its not possible now... i just fucked my own life... thought of .. talking to you.. but i know that its not possible anymore...

Well... i've said what i wanna say... and i wish you gd luck for the future bah... i'll try not to look back ... time for me to step up to reality and pray i never make this kinda mistake again... Cursing my own foolishness won't help me now...



Currently Listening To : X-Japan - Tears ( Live )

Liar Liar