passed by just now.

"stop & stare"

what a coincidence.

but i no longer recognise you.

nor did you recognise me.

somehow. it seems like the very statements i try to defy... have been proved even further.

as much as i do not want to believe in those... but sadly... i'm just at the point where i've given up.

sometimes, even trying your best, can never be enough.

all it does is to make you fall even harder.

another night out

Qb -> MOS -> back to QB

8pm-6.30am.

damn shag now. but still cant get to sleep. somehow keep waking up.

nothing much to say bah... except..

huh? me? join the karaoke competition ar? mmm....shall consider bah.

spent yesterday clearing up my room... cleaning up the day... putting books away... and throwing away some... stuff...

the past few days has just been tinged with sadness.

it's always there.

always.

fated.

hm... probably it's fate bah...

again.

same place.

different times?

or perhaps...


hockey. howl's moving castle. crazy taxi. daytona. sandman. bras brasah. pc show. sony ericsson. clementi.

i still remember it all.

oh, how we moved on without goodbyes...

let me be alone for a while

more dota ! more street soc ! more mahjong ! more euro 08 !

this is what the holidays is all about :D

but...1 week more to end of holidays :(

hahahaha... i'm mad liao.

tonight ben house. see you there. may the "qi dui zi" and "toilet" gods give me all the huatz luck tonight !

really a week of madnessssssss....


ahahahahahaa. cant remember the exact details... last saturday ben ben house mj + soccer... monday lunch with mum and sleep, tuesday outing to pasir ris, wednesday and thursday was ben ben house stayover mj + watch soccer, today = go out with dad and mum.. sleep... and now i'm typing this post right before going to meet up with martin & co at QB... drink wakakakaka... tomorrow will probably be a day off to regen my energy... before soccer on sunday again... unless at night go someone's house stayover + watch soccer... spain vs italy if i'm not wrong... big match...maybe mj also...

lol long wall of text. and so the cycle repeats, go out, stay over, mahjong, watch soccer, play soccer, rinse and repeat

hahahaha.


and to miss S.H. and also my "gd buddies" : LOL ! it's definitely not possible for sparks to fly ... hahaha... er... but i dun discount the 0.001% probability of that happening

What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts

What Hurts The Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

......

......

......

living in a diamond crevasse.

where my heart shall remain eternally frozen.

ok... saving money once again.

aim for end of the year : to get one dtxplorer kit. wahahahaha

the rare peek into what's going on...

mmm... just doing whatever i can to keep myself occupied. especially for this holidays.


now i'm sorta at my limit... probably cause i'm both physically and mentally pushed to the edge already. guess i need some place to rant everything...



even up till now.

i still feel weak.

i still feel confused.

i still feel defeated...

and lastly... afraid.

it just all brings me down to my knees. literally.

the things and places that i see... with the evoking memories... still strike me so deeply.

it all just leaves me clutching my chest... my bleeding heart.

and also putting on this iron mask of mine... hiding those tears of mine.

pretend. pretend. pretend. all because i know that i'll only make others sad if i keep looking sad. i feel it's right to put on this mask. but it's tiring.





the bleeding has eased. but can it ever stop?





and lastly... well to some people whom i spoke to... it's actually not that i'm not interested... it's just that i'm afraid bah. i can see myself doing what i know i'm not supposed to do...i never want to see history repeat itself... even if i'm in a different role.

damn. i just realise. i CANT FUGGING GO CLUBBING WITH MY FACE PEELING ....

ok. clubbing's out.

sorry >.<"

ok basically. the story that i didnt finish. something that X said struck me. about what happened.

it just mirrored what happened.





yup that's it. probably doesnt make much sense... cause my brain ain't making sense to me also anyway. probably all fried on the inside already from yesterday.

i'm am so fugging shagged. saturday night mahjong + sunday morning soccer. body aches + back ache. die die die. and tomorrow sentosa. almost couldnt move my body out of bed when i took a nap last night. also got quite bad sunburn.

so tired. but so many things to do. ahahaha...


and i also hate it when i'm so tired... tend to get somewhat more ... emotional i guess....






it was so hard for me to say those words back then... i'd found that very last bit of courage to stab down deep into my heart. but... that wasn't just the end.






was reading something back then on X's blog. back then during my army days. i was scolding and fuming. how Y didnt seem to treasure what he had. then i realised...

forget it. don't wanna write anymore.

quoted off from somwhere...

Trust is a fragile thing. once earned, it affords us tremondous freedom. but once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover. of course, the truth is, we never know who we can trust. those we’re closest to can betray us & total strangers can come to our rescue. in the end, most people decide to trust themselves. it really is the simplest way to keep from getting burned
-Grey’s Anatomy

yawwwwnnnn ~~~

just wake up. damn shag. damn damn shag.


and ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

so many things to do. SO MANY MANY MANY MANY THINGS TO DO...

so many things to do... and all happen at the same time sia...

i need to split myself into like... 5 parts so that i can do all at teh same time?

eg : go out with frds at night vs watch soccer (esp with spain) vs mahjong...

the 2 other extra parts would be just for chilling at home/ drinking or maybe just sleeping LOL.

not to mention there's dota, piano, drums ( should i take it up seriously? fred was suggesting i try... hm...), etc etc etc...

yaawwwwwnnnn.

so sleepy.

and so here i am... 2 hours later.... and i've just chiong finish all the chapters of learning and behaviour... along with the "SUPPOSED TO COME OUT !QUESTIONS" that have been so called "spotted"....

damage? a 1.5L coke zero bottle ... SOLO. except for one mouthful from my sis. ahahahahaha...

Results ? Suddenly from no-confidence for the paper... to confidence that i can pass....+ .... A SUPER HUNGRY STOMACH ALL OF A SUDDEN WHEN I STOP DRINKING.... guess another by-product would be that i'm quite awake and high now....


wooooo... needa go cook noodles.

and hm... now that the coke zero's finished... time to move on to the 6 packs.... of coke that is...

"Coke-caine's one helluva drug" ( parody of the parody of rick james' famous quote ... hyuk hyuk hyuk... go check it out on youtube.. one helluva nonsense comedy... keywords = rick james, charlie murphy, dave chapelle ...)


ahhhh... anyway PC fair also coming up...should i go? dun really have much to buy... but just feel like going to see-see... hm...

it's official. i need coke. to study. wahaha

beer fest ? nah ~ coke fest !

ok tonight i'm gonna down at least about 6 cans of coke. maybe more.

need to mug for L&B ... which i'm totally clueless.

just zzzz @ the lecture notes. like a picture book only.

after tonight... after tomorrow morning...

CAN YOU SMELL~~~~~ FREEDOM !!!!





















yet still i'm chained...






...why i've never taken the reverse bungee with anyone else...

...why bugis, city hall, and ... remain so endearing to me...

heh. life goes on.

when a pillow comes crashing down on your head out of nowhere... you know that it is a sign...

haha ok i'm just rubbish-ing at the moment. just woke up not too long ago and my head's a bit groggy still... nap nap nap nap nap.

2 more days to end of exams.

weeeee.

after that, party hard ! play hard ! and look hard ! lol



anyway. seriously. a pillowed came crashing down on my head just yesterday. opened the cupboard to get my clothes. and i heard the familiar sliding sound of cloth from above... and "BOOM" a GODAMNIT HEAVY RUBBER LATEX PILLOW PLONKED ON THE TOP OF MY HEAD.

bleahz. just my luck

euro 08... not bad... goals have been flowing... especially for the 2 main teams i support... Spain my first love ~ and Holland the mistress ~~ lol ~

hopefully euro 08 remains that exciting... hahaha~

and hm... between spain and holland? i support spain ! LOL

holland vs italy.

indonesian tv signals. wakakaka. free euro 08. song


but i support SPAIN !! WAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

almost

that news. just... re-ignited something inside me...



people always ask me "then why didn't you ...."

i'm always lost for words.

even till today the question still haunts me.

back then almost everybody knew.

everybody had eyes and could see what was going on.

probably even "X".



something that had already faded into the shadows. just re-appeared again.

when i saw it. i couldnt believe my eyes.i was just stunned.









Definitely maybe.

Almost.

What if ?

it's been months since i last watched anime. argh ! the temptation! hope to be able to watch next season... or the BIG season that's coming up in october... BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG season...

Angela Aki - This Love

「愛があれば平和だ」と誰かが口にしていた
頷く人もいれば、疑う人もいる

“ai ga areba heiwada” to dareka ga kuchi ni shiteita
unazuku hito mo ireba, utagau hito mo iru

Someone used to say, “When there’s love, there’s peace”
There are those who agree, and those who disagree

苦しみがあるからこそ
あなたを抱きしめる時
その腕の優しさを平和と感じるのでしょう

kurushimi ga aru kara koso
anata wo dakishimeru toki
sono ude no yasashi sa wo heiwa to kanjiru no deshou

Whenever I’m in pain
You would hug me
It’s in those warm arms where I felt peace

ある時から無口になり心を締め切り
この恋が引き裂かれそうになった

aru toki kara mukuchi ni nari kokoro wo shimekiri
kono koi ga hikisakare sou ni natta

Since then I’ve become silent and closed off my heart
This love seems to have torn apart

重ねたこの手を
今度は離さない
信じる力が
愛を自由にする

kasaneta kono te wo
kondo wa hanasa nai
shinjiru chikara ga
ai wo jiyuu ni suru

This hand this time
Will not let go
Because the strength to belief
Will set love free

友情に救われたり、未来を想像したり
幸せは見えるけれど　自分を見る事はない

yuujou ni sukuwaretari, mirai wo souzou shitari
shiawase wa mieru keredo jibun wo miru koto wa nai

When you helped me as a friend, I can imagine our future
I see happiness in store but I failed to notice my own issues

約束と言う私達のコンパスだけでは
この恋は方角を見失うの

yakusoku to iu watashitachi no konpasu dakedewa
kono koi wa hougaku wo miushinau no

Though we said that the promise is to be our compass
We lose sight of the direction this love is heading

奇跡を待つより
この手をつなぎたい
信じる力が
私を自由にする

kiseki wo matsu yori
kono te wo tsunagitai
shinjiru chikara ga
watashi wo jiyuu ni suru

Instead of waiting for a miracle
I want you to hold my hand
Because the strength to belief
Will set love free

この恋を恐れずに
You don’t have to fear this love, this love

kono koi wo osorezu ni
you don’t have to fear this love, this love

You don’t have to fear this love
You don’t have to fear this love, this love

重ねたこの手を
今度は離さない
信じる力が
愛を自由にする

kasaneta kono te wo
kondo wa hanasa nai
shinjiru chikara ga
ai wo jiyuu ni suru

This hand this time
Will not let go
Because the strength to belief
Will set love free

奇跡を待つより
この手をつなぎたい
信じる力が
私を自由にする

kiseki wo matsu yori
kono te wo tsunagitai
shinjiru chikara ga
watashi wo jiyuu ni suru

Instead of waiting for a miracle
I want you to hold my hand
Because the strength to belief
Will set love free

i need kbox soon. the bathroom is only a temporary replacement.

wahahahahahaha

listening to the sad songs now. again.

how did i get into the mood? strangely enough... it was when i was in the car on the way back. suddenly thinking of songs that used the theme of "minutes" in them... came up with a list... from jay chou , to lee hyori ... to michael learns to rock... ahaha... and as most people should know ... the last song is 25 minutes... sad sad song ...


2 minutes to freeze these memories... ( jay chou )

4 minutes to save the world ( madonna + JT & T )

10 minutes too far ( Get up kids )

25 minutes too late... ( MLTR )

actually many other songs also use ** minutes in the lyrics... haha... but i guess i just name only a few...





And wah.. i really wanna "thank" *ahem no. 1* and *ahem no. 2* for sabotaging me the other day. now i've no idea if it's gonna cause a misunderstanding...hopefully not.

ok. just for their sake. i shall go thru the list.

Number 1 ( The usual suspect ): Not a chance.
Number 2 ( The one behind the scenes ): Also no chance.
Number 3 ( The sabotaged one ): Never !


Ahahahahaha. dun bother asking me "WHY NOT???" anymore. i'll just reply : "Who/what/when/why/how?"

lol ~

they just slipped away.

like sand flowing thru the gaps of my fingers.

sitting there.

staring into blank space once again.

the attack never ends.

war-cries permeate the air.

and i stand up once again.

and look over the edge...

trying to organise some of the posts with tags... especially the more significant ones... want to keep track of the verses, lyrics, feelings that i've experienced so far... especially more of the emo ones... ahahaha


*update*


ok just finished classifying more posts... feeling a bit more tired now. ahaha.

looking back at all the old posts... really brought back memories. now i'm in the zone once again. melancholic? not exactly... hm...

and it's funny. i noticed some people had put some comments. there was even one guy who mentioned that my blog was interesting and would put me on his blogroll... lol... feeling honoured but haha... think my blog's really just nothing much. just about my life and feelings...

kk. shall post more when i have the time. exam period now. probably gonna post less...

been really lethargic recently. affects me in more ways than what most people would just experience...

and lol... last night really went havoc ... 11pm went to play drums at jurong superbowl again... met up with fund and martin... then went over to fund's house to collect some "stuff"... then went to eat at mac at farrer there... of which we saw a dead turtle being eaten by other turtles... gross la ... then went to town area near bugis.. fund had to pass some stuff to zixiang ( who's currently in the band Ink playing in Chan U's Superband )... then sent martin back... then send me back... of which there was a bit of "delay" lol... and then more madness... 6am or 7am in the morning already... and then martin goes "DOTA" on msn... played till around 8.. then went to sleep.

ok i'm just too tired and lazy to properly write out what happened last night. bleahz. this post lacks energy.



P.S. i'll give u all a review of the F.C.B in private. Generally serves it's purpose well. WAKAKAKA

i'm tired.

累了

" Life is like a russian roulette "

i'm standing on my 2 feet once again.

but it'll never be the same.

never be the same.

Lee Seung Gi- Words that are hard to say MV ( Korean )


* video starts with this scene *
at the ending basket ball court.. the girl said..

why do u love me so much.
i got nothing to give you
but this precious kiss


Though we're breaking up and I won't ever see you again
Let me ask one last favor.
The only thing that I can do for you who's filled with tears,
is to let you go with ease.

These words are a bit awkward and so hard to say to you
who's so like me and to him who isn't me.

I hope that you erase all the memories of love and
memories of thankfulness and even my tears.
Don't hurt anymore and don't turn around
just live happily from now on.

I knew a long time ago that a love other than me, had
taken all for your heart.

I don't want to say these to you who's so like me
and to him who isn't me, no matter how hard I try.

I hope that you erase all the memories of love and
memories of thankfulness and even my tears.
Don't hurt anymore and don't turn around
just live happily from now on.

Don't be sorry, don't regret it because he's going to
treat you so much better than I could.
Because this seperation would be good for me if you'd just smile
and forget me completely inside his embrace.

It'll be okay, I'll get used to it no matter
how hard it is to love alone.
Because I'll just keep you inside of my heart as you
leave and turn around.






Letting go is always the hardest thing to do...

how can i find the words to say...


i found me.

but i lost...

perhaps i didnt even have it in the first place.

why? why? why?

wow. i'm slow. but i'm one extremely happy person lol ! suddenly all the gd news just keeps coming.

Type-moon. coming out with so many new projects... and a Tsukihime remake ( news announced some time ago but somehow i didnt catch wind of it... strange... )... satsuki's supposedly going to get her own route now.. ( popular demand i guess ) lol.

ahhh. the legendary visual novel finally getting a remake. :D