Family and peace

Haven't been in touch with the inner and creative side of me quite recently... lack of time... studies, projects, assignments >.<"

Gonna start by talking about some of my inner thoughts going through my head... and my reminiscing about the past... and the lessons learnt...

Going to talk about my past a bit...

I used to be very rebelious in the past. It started ... i guess when i was in secondary school. I used to argue with my family members for the sake of arguing, for the so-called "Finding my self-identity" stage... It may have seemed to the rest that, i was a kid beyond hope, that i had no conscience. But honestly... back then... i did hurt deep down inside. I hoped for someone to... sort of forgive me and embrace me. But it never did happen. It only served to deepen my hatred and anger.

But someone woke me up. With his tears. The 2nd time i saw him cry. The only other time i've seen him cry was because... my grandfather passed away. Yup... this person is my father. He made me realise how selfish i was. That i only thought about my own feelings, not caring and even thinking about others.

It dawned upon me... that it was so true... how i tried to make myself the centre of the world, egocentric if you'ld call it. How i'ld make myself seem to be the victim of everything, even if i wasn't the victim.

It really brought out the true feelings out of me... that i actually hated myself rather than hated others. I couldn't stand the sight of myself... this pathetic me who was still trying to escape reality. this pathetic me who had hurt so many people. I was just overwhelmed with this self-hatred back then.

But my parents sought to stand beside me. And i am really thankful to them. Even though i had done so many wrongs to them. Even though i had time and time again hurt their feelings, lied to them, and said... words that i shouldnt have said. It just made me realise... no one had given up on me from the start. I was the one who had given up on myself. I was the one who blinded myself.

I am really thankful to my parents now. The burden placed upon my heart during those days was just lifted. I found a new peace inside my heart. Almost like i was reborn.

Peace... in this sense... started to come into my life. The arguments and everything else stopped. I started opening up to my parents, though not about everything. Tension and animosity disappeared...

Life's journey is filled with bumps and rocks. It may be a long ardous journey... but no matter what... we'll all reach our destination in the end... and looking back... we can laugh at all the hardship and happy times that we've gone through...

Eventually... what really matters... is that everybody is happy... and in order for that to happen... it must start with ourself...

Change our own hearts. Change other's hearts. Make the world a happy place.

Haha.. sounds lame... but that's a nice dream to have... :D :D :D



Now having finished talking about my family... i guess i'll talk about my concerns recently... and about my mentality towards some stuff.

Now... i'm not the person who likes to see conflicts. i hate to see people suffering. I hate to see people in pain. I really want to help these people. i want to do something. But... i'm powerless in reality. i can't do anything much to change the situation or help the people involved. i understand that... i'm not god. but this feeling just really sucks. seeing your close ones unhappy... also makes you feel down. just like a ripple effect on the water. i know some people will say that i shouldn't place this burden of theirs upon myself... but i just can't help it. words are all that i can offer at the moment...but if i could... i just want to let them know that i'll always be there for them...